Not Just an Army Wife

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2012-02-29T10:56:00.001-05:00

Source: jennifermariemiller.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

A Different Kind of Two Week Wait

2012-02-28T14:19:00.002-05:00

Instead of obsessing over every single symptom or lack of symptom during this two week wait, I've decided just to relax and not analyze anything. You may be thinking, "How is it possible to not obsess? You're in the two week wait?!"

The answer is easy. I'm choosing not to let the two week wait consume my life as it has for the past (almost) three years. This IUI cycle has been completely different from the previous four IUI cycles, so I made a conscious decision to make this two week wait completely different.

How this cycle has compared to others:

Instead of stimming for 25+ days, I only stimmed for 15.
A new medicine protocol. Instead of using only G.onal-F, I used a combination of Me.nopur and G.onal.
Instead of getting poked by the blood draw needle 10+ times, I only got poked twice. This resulted in no bruising for the first time!
Instead of stressing out, I've chosen to remain calm and relaxed.

Will these differences bring us our long-awaited and much hoped for BFP? God only knows that answer. I don't plan on testing until Sunday morning, which will put me at 12 dpIUI. I know I've said I would wait until 12 dpIUI plenty of times before, but caved and tested at 10dpIUI (and maybe 9dpIUI once - shameful, I know). But this cycle is different and I will stick to my promise that I will not test any earlier then Sunday.

One week down, one to go. Hopefully this cycle ends differently for myself and all my other friends currently in the two week wait!

ICLW and an IUI update

2012-02-21T15:01:00.002-05:00

Source: weheartit.com via Jamie on Pinterest

If you're here from ICLW - welcome to my little corner of the Internet. If you're not here from ICLW - welcome too :)

This is my 5th time participating in ICLW. I wrote a decent introduction post back in November, so if you're interested in our TTC history, you can click here or here to learn about our journey.

Since I wrote my last ICLW post, E and I have resumed TTC since his deployment thankfully ended at the beginning of this month. For this IUI, our fifth, we decided to switch up my dosage of G.onal-F and also added Me.nopur into the mix. I stimmed for 10 days with just 1 vial of Me.nopur a day. Due to poor response in hormone levels, we decided to up the dosage of Me.nopur to 2 vials a day and also added in 2 vials of G.onal-F a day. Thankfully, my body responded well to the increase and my E2 levels shot up to from 69 to 364 in only a few days. I triggered with O.vidrel on Sunday night and had my IUI done this morning. I've officially entered the 2 week wait (for what seems like the 100th time) and my beta is scheduled for March 6th. I'll be back on En.dometrin twice a day during the 2 week wait and will hopefully continue through the first trimester!

During my appointment today, Nurse D (my RE's nurse) told me that E's numbers looked good - 65 million spermies post-wash - and that she thinks we're working with 4 eggs according to where my hormone levels were at last week. Unfortunately my clinic doesn't perform an ultrasound on the day of the IUI, but I trust my RE and his nurse and am hoping for the best. 1 out of the possible 4 have to stick, right?

Well that's where we are so far. I've been swamped with homework the past few weeks, which has affected my blogging. I just submitted a 20 page research paper for my psychology class and will have to submit 2 more before the quarter is over with. Student teaching starts in 2 weeks and I'm definitely feeling excited, nervous, and overwhelmed! Hopefully my next IF-related post will contain good news!

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2012-02-15T13:12:00.001-05:00

Source: snazzyspace.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Our Love Story

2012-02-14T13:09:00.005-05:00

In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I would go ahead and fill out this love story survey that I've seen floating around on quite a few blogs.

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

I met E back in the spring of 2001, but he was still enlisted in the Army. We didn't start officially dating until 2003. We've been together for almost 9 years, but have known each other for almost 11!

2. How did you meet? (What's your "love" story?)

E and I first met during my second semester of college. I was hanging out with a few girlfriends and one of my comm major friends had asked if it was alright to bring over his best friend from high school to hang out with us. My friends and I had been drinking for awhile at that point (yes, we were doing some dorm drinking), so I was feeling unusually social by the time my friend and E had arrived. My friend introduced E to all of us and told us that he was home on leave from the Army for his birthday.

I don't know that I would say it was love at first sight, but it was definitely a strong like at first sight. The alcohol gave me the courage to strike up a conversation with E and we talked and hung out all night. After he left, I figured that I probably wouldn't see him again since he was headed back to NC in a few days. Much to my surprise, I received a phone call from him the next day. He had asked my friend for my dorm phone number. We ended up going out for dinner and then headed back to my dorm room to watch a movie.

E headed back to NC a few days later, but we kept in contact through email and AIM (ha, again this was back in 2001). He deployed twice - first to Kosovo and then to Okinawa, so we didn't see each other in person for quite awhile. When he returned home from his second deployment, I found out he decided to enroll in the Green to Gold program and he would be attending my college. We started officially dating in 2003 and the rest is history.

3. If married, how long have you been married?

We got married on December 16, 2006. We've been married for a little over 5 years now.

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?

We got married in E's church in Lancaster, PA. Our wedding wasn't big, but it wasn't exactly small either. We had about 115 guests at the wedding, even though our original guest list only included about 80 people. Then the mothers got a hold of the guest list. All hell broke loose. That's another story for another time.

5. Do you have any nicknames that you call one another?

Nope, no nicknames.

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey?

He's funny and knows how to make me smile even when I'm having the worst day. He's determine and motivated. He's athletic - I wish I had half the stamina that he does.

7. Tell us how he proposed?

Yah our proposal story isn't very long or really romantic at all. We had been dating for about 3 years at that point, so we had talked extensively about marriage. I picked out my ring, but E told me that it had to be ordered because the store didn't have it in my size. I came home the next night after work and started making dinner. When I turned around to put dinner on the table, the ring box was sitting in the middle of my dinner plate. E asked me to marry him and of course I said yes!

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?

He's neither. We usually go out to see a movie and have dinner a few days before Valentine's Day because we won't like dealing with crowds. We actually had our date night this past Saturday. We saw "The Descendants" (I loved it, he hated it) and then enjoyed a wonderful Italian dinner.

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

Most definitely a pop a movie in and relax on the couch kind of girl. I like to keep things simple.

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant other one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

There are so many places that E and I would still love to travel to. Even though we've been to Paris before, I would LOVE to go back. We'd also love to see England, Ireland, Hawaii, and Australia.

11. Tell us what you plan on doing this Valentine's Day.

Since we already celebrated with our dinner and movie date, I'll just cook here at home. I'm planning on making pasta primavera and a special dessert.

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's Day?

I actually asked for the box set of Harry Potter movies. Yes, I'm aware of my nerdiness.

13. Give us one piece of advice to keep a relationship strong and full of love.

Keep the lines of communication open. If you can't or aren't willing to communicate, how are you going to work through problems?

14. Show us a picture of what love means to you.

A Valentine's Day Guest Post

2012-02-13T19:45:00.003-05:00

I was contacted by Allison, who blogs over at Musings of a Curious Mind , about writing a guest post geared towards Valentine's Day ideas for loved ones who are deployed. She came up with some great ways to share the love even if your soldier is far away. Here's her article!

Having Valentine's Day with Your Solider

Every year on February 14, millions of people spend a romantic night with their sweethearts. Sadly, with so many of our brave men and women serving our country overseas, many husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends will be an ocean away from their significant other on Valentine's Day. However, that doesn't mean you can't do something special for your soldier. Here are five fun ideas to still have the special day with each other:

Send Sweet Treats

There are few better ways to say "I love you" than by filling up your loved one's tummy with delicious food. Does your soldier have a favorite cookie? Bake some and send them along with a sweet note. If you aren't too handy in the kitchen, go out and buy some of their favorite candy.

Make a CD

Yeah, the era of mixed tapes may be gone, but CD and MP3’s can still get the job done. Your soldier may not be a sucker for love songs, but you can pick out a few of songs that have a special message or that remind you of each other. Pick out that one song, that whenever you both hear it, it takes you back to a special memory. Music can be powerful. Add a few of your loved one's favorite songs to the list, and they'll know you are thinking of them every time they listen.

Write a Love Letter

Whether you write it by hand or send it via email, nothing beats a good, old-fashioned love letter. You special man or woman, might not be a fan of the Notebook, but “sappy” love letters and thoughtful remarks can be resisted. Let your soldier know how much you love and miss them or write about a special moment you spent together when he or she was not deployed.

Have a Care Package Party

Do you have friends who are military spouses or significant others who will also be alone on the big day? Throw a Valentine's Day Care Package party and together, you can take pictures, bake, and put together care packages for all of your soldiers at once. This way, loved ones can take comfort in knowing you didn't spend the day alone and also reap the benefits of yummy treats and Valentine’s Day gifts.

Make a Phone Call

If your soldier is in a position to make phone calls, spend some time talking to him or her. Even though you may be separated by a long distance shout-out, your voice still sounds the same and brings out many emotions. Sometimes a simple “Hey Babe” or “I Love You” can make all their stresses go away. Let them know how much they mean to you and what it is you love about them. As a bonus, if your soldier has computer access, you can talk via Skype.

IUI #5 - Update #2

2012-02-13T14:56:00.002-05:00

Source: cafepress.com via Ali on Pinterest

I reluctantly woke up at 5:15 this morning to get ready for my second monitoring appointment. The beauty of showing up at 6:00 AM for an appointment is being finished by 6:30. After getting my blood drawn and explaining my cloth bandage allergy to the nurse, I headed in for another date with Wandy.

Dr. P. told me that my lining was 7mm - a big jump from Friday's number of 3mm. The right ovary decided to get its act together because we saw two 10mm follicles. The left ovary showed three measurable follicles. The 6mm follicle from Friday jumped to 10mm, the 8mm jumped to 12mm, and another 8mm one appeared. When the ultrasound was finished, Dr. P discussed triggering. Since I go to a military clinic, we're always affected by government holidays. Since Monday is President's Day, the clinic will close on Thursday afternoon and not open back up until Tuesday morning. Dr. P. told me that depending on Thursday's blood draw, we might not be able to go forward with IUI. If I trigger on Thursday, then we'll just do timed intercourse (TI).

At first I was a little upset about possibly missing out on doing IUI, but the last four IUIs have been unsuccessful. I got pregnant both times through TI. Who's to say that TI wouldn't work this time?

However, plans could change. If my hormone levels don't match up, then I probably won't trigger until Sunday. If that happens, the IUI will happen on Tuesday.

I walked out of the office feeling pretty confident. Things were progressing and we had a plan. It looked like I wouldn't be increasing my meds or adding anything into the mix.

Well.....

I spoke too soon.

The new RE nurse gave me a call while I was waiting for spin class to begin. She told me that while my E2 level rose significantly from Friday's number (9.4), it was only at a 69.6 today. Still not where it should be. She told me that Dr. P. wanted to up my Me.nopur dosage and add in G.onal-F. I was told to do 1 vial of Me.nopur and 2 vials of G.onal-F twice a day - once in the morning and once in the evening. I thought to myself, "Why are we going from one vial of meds to six vials all at once?" This made absolutely no sense to me. I questioned new nurse and she put me on hold to confer with Dr. P. She got back on the phone and told me that's what he wanted me to do.

The entire spin class I felt uneasy about the conversation. Once spin was over, I hopped in the car and drove back to the clinic. I talked to Nurse D and she looked shocked when I told her about the dosage increase. She said we weren't doing IVF, so there must have been a mistake. She sent new nurse back down to confirm with Dr. P. New nurse came back and told me that he wanted me to do 1 vial of each med, twice a day. I was told to come back in on Thursday morning to check my progress so we can make a decision about the trigger.

I'm so glad that I stopped into the office to confirm the dosage. If I didn't, I would have more than likely overstimmed, which would have resulted in yet another cancelled cycle. I'm not at the point where we can afford to cancel cycles. IVF in April is looming in the not so distant future.

Life lesson learned today - If you feel uneasy or unsure about a decision, don't hesitate or be afraid to ask questions and challenge that decision. You have to be an advocate for your own health. I know my history. I know what can happen if I have too many hormones floating around. I've had too many follicles to count. I've had 3 cysts rupture at the same time. I've had mild OHSS. I don't want any of this to happen again.

I'm not looking forward to poking myself twice for the next few days, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Hopefully adding the G.onal in will make my E2 levels rise to where they should be. Let's just hope I don't end up being like Octo-mom.

More updates coming on Thursday afternoon.

IUI #5 Update

2012-02-11T21:07:00.002-05:00

I went in for my first monitoring appointment for this IUI cycle bright and early on Friday morning. My RE's office was dead, which was a welcomed surprise. It's very rare to be the only one in the office on any given morning. I got my blood drawn (and ended up being allergic to the bandage they used to hold the gauze in place) and then headed in for my ultrasound.

The ultrasound tech wasn't in, so Dr. P. came in to take a look. My lining was only at a 3 (but I was only on CD 8) and there were only two measurable follicles on the left side - one 6mm and one 8mm. My estradiol levels came back at 9.4. Still very low.

Dr. P. decided to keep me on the 1 vial of Me.nopur throughout the weekend. I'm scheduled to go back in on Monday for another monitoring appointment. I would assume if things are still quiet, they'll up my dosage of the Me.nopur and/or add in a vial of the G.onal-F. I was really hoping not to stim for weeks and weeks, but so far it's not looking good for me.

I hope that we see some significant changes on Monday - maybe something will pop up on the right side. Hoping for a good report when I write my next blog post!

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2012-02-08T15:57:00.001-05:00

Source: vi.sualize.us via Lauren on Pinterest

2 years ago

2012-02-07T12:34:00.004-05:00

2 years ago today I got my first BFP. I remember jumping up and down in the bathroom then running out into the bedroom to shove the pregnancy test in E's face. We both couldn't believe that I was finally pregnant. We had tried for so long and we were finally getting what we wanted so badly.

It was Super Bowl Sunday and were having friends over to the house to watch the game. It was so hard not to share the news with anyone. We were both bursting with excitement. However, I was superstitious about sharing the news too early and didn't want to tell many people until I was out of the first trimester. We were so happy and excited and didn't even think about the dreaded M word because of the overabundance of pregnancy symptoms.

Unfortunately, after an uneventful first half of the first trimester and then 6 weeks of intense all-day sickness - constant nausea and throwing up a minimum of 6 times a day - our world came crashing down at my 11 week appointment. We found out that our sweet miracle baby stopped growing at 6w5d.

I guess I'll never forget the important dates surrounding both of my pregnancies. I guess it'll never stop hurting when these dates come around. March 25th is our next big date - the day of my 11 week ultrasound.

I really hope that we get to see another positive pregnancy test soon. Hopefully we get to our happy ending.

He's home and an IUI update

2012-02-06T13:30:00.005-05:00

I haven't written much about E's deployment here on the blog because of his job, but I'm happy to report that he's finally home after being gone for almost a year. After being pushed back several times, I got an email on Thursday morning confirming that he would be home that afternoon. It's been a busy past couple days around the house. We had to find a new vehicle for E since we sold his car before the deployment. We're the proud new owners of a slightly used 2009 T.oyota T.acoma. I wasn't super excited about the price, but he loves it and is keeping it for a long time.

Also, readjusting to having two people in the house has been interesting. My routine has been completely disrupted, but it's ok because he's home and he's safe and that's all that matters. My OCD has been kicking into overdrive though because apparently E still hasn't learned how to pick up after himself. Ugh that's a whole other story.

Onto IUI news...

Stimming started on Sunday morning. I went over to my RE's office last week to pick up my bags (yes, bags) of medicine. Since I stim for weeks upon weeks with the G.onal-F, we decided to try out M.enopur instead. We're hoping that my body responds quicker to this med. I go in for my first monitoring appointment on Friday morning, so hopefully things are going well and my hormone levels match up. If not, I'll probably add G.onal-F back into the mix.

(Holy meds!)

Let me just tell you if you've never used M.enopur before, it burns. It burns like hell. Never before has an injection made me cry, but I broke down yesterday after giving myself the injection. Today was a little better, but only because I went into my right side. My left side is always the problem side, so I might have to double up on the right side for awhile. Mixing the meds is easier than I had thought it would be, so that's a plus. Nurse D told me that if I respond quickly, we might have a shot at another IUI before IVF if this one fails. Let's hope it doesn't though, alright?

Pinterest Challenge - Week 5

2012-02-03T14:49:00.007-05:00

I was a slacker last week and didn't complete anything from Pinterest, but this week I'm back with a great new recipe: Broccoli and Cheese Mini Egg Omelets from Skinnytaste. If you haven't checked out this website before, head over there now. What are you waiting for?

I came across this site about 2 months ago when I found the recipe for my whole wheat blueberry muffins. Every recipe I've tried so far was delicious and full of healthy ingredients. Also, Gina (the author of the site) lists all the nutrition facts for each recipe, which is helpful since I keep a daily food journal. Anyways, enough about my undying love for this website, and onto the recipe.

Ingredients

4 cups broccoli florets

4 whole eggs (I prefer to use brown organic eggs)

1 cup white eggs (I use liquid egg whites as opposed to separating)

1/4 cup reduced fat shredded cheddar cheese

1/4 cup grated parm or romano cheese

1 tbsp olive oil

salt and pepper to taste

Preparation

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

2. Steam the broccoli florets with a small amount

of water in the microwave for 7 minutes on high.

3. After the broccoli is steamed and cooled a bit,

mash in a bowl with olive oil, salt, and pepper.

4. Spray cupcake tin and evenly distribute broccoli

mixture into 9 wells.

5. In another bowl, combine whole eggs, egg whites,

parm or romano cheese,salt, and pepper.

6. Pour egg mixture over top of the broccoli mixture,

filling the wells up about 3/4 of the way.

7. Top egg and broccoli mixture with cheddar.

8. Bake in the oven for about 20 minutes.

9. Serve warm and if there are any leftovers,

wrap or store tightly in the fridge.

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In

2012-02-03T14:19:00.003-05:00

After a long hiatus, the MilSpouse Friday Fill-In is back. Wifey is turning the weekly questions into a monthly feature, but I'm just happy it's back! Head over to her blog to learn more and to link up your blog.

1. What is your favorite winter memory?

My favorite winter memory has to be our wedding because I got to marry the man of my dreams :)

2. What is your current favorite TV show?

My current favorite is "How I Met Your Mother". I got hooked on this show when we first moved back here to NC about a year and a half ago. I quickly got through the first 5 seasons of the series on N.etflix and eagerly await a new episode each week. I've been disappointed that it's been reruns for the past few weeks, but it's new this coming Monday. Make sure to tune in!

3. What was your favorite thing that happened in January?

E left Afghanistan!

4. What is the best sound in the world to you?

Thunderstorms or laughing babies or the ocean. So many good sounds...

5. What is the biggest lesson you have learned as a MilSpouse (or significant other)?

That I'm capable of being independent and can live on my own if I need to. Just because E isn't around, the world doesn't stop or fall apart. You just have to keep going.

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2012-02-01T08:16:00.000-05:00

Source: happyplace.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: huffingtonpost.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Guest Post

2012-01-27T21:36:00.002-05:00

I was contacted the other week (much to my surprise) by Kristin, a recent college graduate who majored in journalism. She wanted to know if she would be able to write a guest post for my blog. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to have someone else contribute, especially since my posts seem to be few and far between these days. Since I've been posting a lot of food-related posts lately, Kristin decided to write an article about her aunt's pizza recipe. I hope you all enjoy!

My Aunt’s Pizza

We’ve all heard about recipes for the perfect healthy pizza. So often, these recipes leave us with a cardboard box taste in our mouths. Sure it is healthy, but if it doesn’t taste good what is the point?

I assure you, once you try this recipe on for size, you will never look a delivery pizza in the face again. This divine recipe for a pizza that won’t leave you guilt ridden and feeling overly stuffed has lived in my family for decades. The recipe was handed down to me by my health nut aunt and has been a party favorite at all our major holidays. Not only is it healthy, it is mouth watering to boot!

The other difference is the dough used. Instead of pizza dough, this pizza is made on a lightly fried flour tortilla. You can buy the very large tortillas and cut up the pizza into slices or buy small tortillas and make individual pizzas.

Goat cheese is used in this recipe as opposed to traditional mozzarella or cheddar cheese because it is both tastier and lower in fat. A great option in case you’re on a particular diet. There is also twice as much protein in goat cheese as in other cheeses. However, it is truly the savory and scrumptious flavor in goat cheese that makes it a popular choice.

Aunt Adelina’s Famous Pizza
Ingredients
Flour tortilla
½ cup olive oil
1 cup goat cheese
2 oz artichoke hearts
2 Roma tomatoes, diced
½ cup black olives, sliced
1 cup fresh spinach

Step 1.
Heat olive oil in frying pan until sizzling. Gently lay flour tortilla in hot frying pan and leave for two minutes. Flip the tortilla after two minutes and allow it to sit in oil for another two minutes.

Step 2.
Remove the hot tortilla from pan and set it in a plate with a paper towel underneath to soak up excess oil.

Step 3.
While the tortilla is warm and fresh from the pan, spread a thin or thick layer of goat cheese. Then you simply spread the other ingredients to your liking. Of course, you aren’t limited to these ingredients. Feel free to experiment with flavors and toppings.

Options:
There is no need to further bake the pizza unless you wish to. Baking the pizza will cause the goat cheese to spread so keep this in mind when you spread the cheese. Also, adding some cooked Italian sausage could turn it into a spicy option. By not baking the pizza, you are keeping your veggies much fresher and crunchier.

This is a great idea to get you eating healthy and keep us on track with our New Year Resolutions. I eat it all the time because it’s quick and I don’t have to feel guilty for eating it afterwards. Similar recipes have been found on cancer websites because often times patients cannot eat heavy difficult to digest foods.

Kristin Wells is a recent college graduate from The University of Georgia and an aspiring writer. She wants to make a difference in people's lives through her writing. Kristin also likes competitive cycling, running, and traveling as much as possible.

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2012-01-25T13:04:00.000-05:00

Source: baeblemusic.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: twitter.com via Lauren on Pinterest

HSG Results

2012-01-21T15:06:00.002-05:00

I decided to give Dr. P's office a call yesterday afternoon because it had been 3 days since the HSG from hell. I was anxious to find out if anything suspicious popped on the x-rays. Of course when I called, it went straight to voicemail. In the last 13 months, I don't think anyone has actually picked up the phone because they're just so busy. Not a problem though. I just figured I would receive a call back on Monday.

Much to my surprise, the phone rang a few hours later and they had my test results. It turns out that everything was all clear. I told the nurse that I would probably be calling them back in about 2 weeks so we could talk about the med combo we'll be using for IUI #5. I believe we'll be sticking with the G.onal-F, but also adding M.enopur into the mix. I refuse to stim again for over 3 weeks. I had hoped that E would be home in time for the injections to begin since I heard that M.enopur stings and burns, but unfortunately his return date has been pushed back. Again. That's a whole different story to be addressed at a different time. Maybe.

More good news is that my side effects from the allergic reaction to the iodine have finally gone away. I had to take B.enadryl several times a day for the past few days because of overall itchiness. I think I'm back to normal now.

So I've heard that some women are able to get pregnant the cycle of or the cycle after an HSG. Has anyone else heard/read about this? Maybe the same will be true for us? This is our last chance at having a 2012 baby and more importantly, having a baby before I turn the big 3-0 in December. If this IUI fails, then if we are lucky enough to get pregnant on IVF #1, the baby wouldn't be due until the beginning of 2013. I want this last IUI to work for so many reasons. Please let it work.

Pinterest Challenge - Week 3

2012-01-19T17:00:00.013-05:00

For this week's Pinterest Challenge, I made Giada's Lemon Ricotta Cookies. BFF introduced me to these wonderful little cookies when I visited her over Christmas, so I decided to make them for Brittany's baby shower last weekend. I think they turned out fabulous! I'll definitely make these again.

Source: foodnetwork.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Ingredients

Cookies

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

1 stick softened, unsalted butter

2 cups sugar

2 eggs (I used egg substitute)

1 (15 oz) container ricotta cheese (I used part skim)

3 tbsp lemon juice

1 lemon, zested

Lemon Glaze

1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

3 tbsp lemon juice

1 lemon, zested

Preparation

1. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F.

2. In a medium bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and

salt.

3. In a separate bowl, cream together butter and sugar.

4. Mix in 1 egg at a time to the butter and sugar mixture.

5. Mix in ricotta, lemon juice, and lemon zest (I also

added 1 tsp of vanilla).

6. Add dry ingredients to the wet and stir to combine.

7. Spoon 2 tbsp of cookie dough onto parchment lined

cookie sheets.

8. Bake for 15 minutes or until edges are golden brown

(My oven took 17 minutes).

9. Cool for 20 minutes.

10. While cooling, assemble glaze.

11. Combine powdered sugar, lemon juice, and lemon

zest in a small bowl.

12. Spoon 1/2 tsp over cooled cookies.

13. Let the glaze set up and harden on the cookies for

about 2 hours.

14. Enjoy the lemony goodness!

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2012-01-18T12:54:00.001-05:00

Source: imgfave.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

The HSG From Hell

2012-01-17T17:46:00.006-05:00

This week has gotten off to a shitty start. I was told that I had to go in for a blood draw on Monday morning to make sure I wasn't pregnant before having the HSG done today. However, since it was MLK day yesterday, the lab and RE clinic were closed. I was told that I had to go to the family medicine clinic for the draw instead. I got there at 7:45 thinking that the clinic opened at 8. Wrong. It didn't open until 9. Not a big deal. Problem occurs when I get up to the receptionist and she tells me that she only sees an order for a pregnancy blood draw from the 16th of December.

I proceeded to tell her that my RE nurse put the order in the system last week and that I needed the blood draw done or they would cancel my test the following morning. I also asked if they could just use the order from December. She told me it was against protocol to use an order that was over a month old. I asked her if they could just put in another order. She told me, "No, that's against protocol". Eff protocol. I wasn't leaving without someone taking my damn blood. That set me off and I started to cry in front of the 2 receptionists and about 20 people in the waiting room. I think this caused the receptionist to panic because she asked for my ID back and told me that she would have the charge nurse check the system again.

About 20 minutes later, the receptionist came back and told me that the charge nurse had found the order. I don't know where the confusion came in. Shouldn't have the receptionist been able to see the order on her computer? I've never had an issue before. I went back for the blood draw and hopped off the exam table in about 2 minutes. Of course (surprise, surprise), the test came back negative.

I went in for the HSG this morning. The doctor who was going to perform the procedure had to tell me about all of the possible side effects/reactions that could come about because of the iodine. He asked me several times if I was allergic to shellfish. I told him I don't eat seafood, so I wasn't 100% sure that I was or wasn't. I have allergies to a majority of antibiotics but the doctor looked over the list and said that I should be just fine.

The procedure kind of sucked. I felt extreme cramping when he inflated the balloon and then injected the dye. The cramping did go away almost immediately after removing the balloon though. He said he couldn't see any blockages but wouldn't read the x-rays until later in the day. I was told to follow up with Dr. P. in a few days.

After getting dressed, I hopped into my car and started driving towards the commissary. After driving for about 5 minutes, I started having a reaction. I thought it might be all in my head because of everything the doctor had said (he basically scared the shit out of me), so I called my friend. She told me that I should go back to the hospital just in case it was a real reaction. My throat felt tight and I was itchy. I walked back into radiology and a very nice soldier who was acting as the receptionist excused herself from the desk and walked me down to the ER. I was able to go directly to a triage nurse and she gave me a high dosage of B.enadryl. I was definitely having a reaction. My skin was blotchy and itchy and the tightness in my throat was still there.

After sitting around for awhile in the waiting room, the tightness subsided. By the time I got back to see the doctor, my throat felt better and the itchiness had improved. I was sent on my way with a bottle of B.enadryl just in case I needed some later on. I feel a lot better now, but damn what a scare. I guess we'll add iodine to the list of things Lauren is allergic too.

I'm thankful for my friend Brittany and BFF for calming me down and staying in contact with me during the day. My friends are amazing. T.witter friends were also a great support. Thanks ladies!

I hope the HSG results come back all clear after all I had to go through today. Looks like I'm on track to start injects again around February 6th or so. We'll see what happens. Hopefully there's no more drama this week. It's been a long week and it's only Tuesday.

Pinterest Challenge - Week 2

2012-01-12T13:27:00.008-05:00

For this week's Pinterest challenge, which is hosted over at my friend Brittany's blog, I decided to whip up some delicious blueberry muffins. The recipe comes from a fabulous recipe site, Skinnytaste! If you've completed something from Pinterest this week and would like to share it with others, link up and join in on the fun!

Whole Wheat Blueberry Muffins

Source: skinnytaste.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Ingredients

1 cup unsweetened applesauce

2 cups flour (I used whole wheat, but feel free to use a combination

of white and wheat)

1/2 cup sugar (can definitely be made with a little less - I finished

off my bag of sugar and only ended up with about 1/3 cup

and the muffins still tasted sweet enough)

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 cups fresh blueberries (thawed, frozen berries would also be fine)

1 egg, beaten (I used egg substitute)

1 tsp vanilla

2 tbsp melted butter

Preparation

1. Preheat your oven to 325 degrees F.

2. Combine flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl.

3. In a medium bowl, combine applesauce, egg, vanilla, and melted (cooled) butter.

4. Combine the wet ingredients with the dry ingredients (I found that I had

to add in an extra 1/4 cup of applesauce because the batter was very dry).

5. Fold in the blueberries.

6. Scoop batter into your muffin pan, which has been lined with 12 liners (A cookie

dough scoop that I received for Christmas came in handy).

7. Bake for 25 minutes.

8. Cool for about 10 minutes.

9. Enjoy!

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2012-01-11T13:34:00.000-05:00

Source: worklols.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Updates galore

2012-01-10T20:35:00.006-05:00

I've been in a blogging funk lately. Not sure why. Every time I think of something good to write about, the laziness kind of kicks in and I end up not writing the post. Since I finished my homework early tonight, I decided to just go ahead and write down some random thoughts and updates floating around in my head.

School is back in session. This is my last quarter before student teaching and I'm already looking forward to the end. As usual, I'm taking 3 grad level courses - Math: Content and Methods, Child Development, and World Geography. Typically, the first week isn't too bad; however, this quarter is much different. Tons of discussion board posts, videos to watch, and papers to write. I think I have 3 papers to finish before next Tuesday. That has to be a week 1 record for me!

Speaking of school - I'm scheduled to take another certification test this Saturday. It's a 100 question content-based test. Apparently I only need to get 56 out of 100 questions to pass, so I better do well! This is not a test I want to take again. Cross your fingers for me!

Evan might be home before the end of the month! We don't have an exact date, but a timeframe is better than nothing, right? We have a lot to do when he gets home. We need to head up to PA to see family and so he can renew his driver's license. I guess it expired a few months ago. Oops. We also need to buy him a new car. We definitely cannot survive on just one car because of my observation hours and upcoming doctor's appointments. Hopefully we can find something that is affordable, nice, and gas-efficient.

On the infertility front: CD 1 finally arrived after a round of BCP and 90 long days. Not surprising - I didn't ovulate. Shocker! My HSG is scheduled for Tuesday morning. I hope everything comes back all clear. I'll be starting another pack of BCP tomorrow evening, so we'll be able to start injects for IUI #5 at the beginning of February.

I'm starting my own official 2012 book challenge. My goal is to read at least 50 books by the end of the year. I've read these three books so far. Any suggestions?

A portion of the bonding on my front tooth finally fell off after 20 long years. I have an appointment with a new dentist in 2 weeks for a cleaning and repair. I hate going to the dentist, so I'm definitely not looking forward to this.

I guess that's everything that's been floating around in my head for the moment. I'll be posting again on Thursday so I can participate in The Pinterest Challenge. Head over to my friend Brittany's blog to find out more information!

Body image

2012-01-05T13:43:00.009-05:00

Source: Uploaded by user via Stacy on Pinterest

Since it's the beginning of another new year, weight loss resolutions seem to be on a lot of people's minds. Weight loss, diet plans, and exercise are the top searched key words on many popular search engines. The television is dominated by W.eight W.atchers and J.enny C.raig commercials. Everyone is obsessed with losing weight. For example, today while at the gym, I heard a fitness instructor telling some of her class participants that she lost a ton of weight on the HC.G diet. Well no crap you're going to lose weight. You're essentially starving your body because you're only allowed 500 calories a day. I'm definitely not a weight loss expert or nutritionist, but I know that one of the keys to successful weight loss and maintenance is a combination of exercise and healthy eating habits. Injecting yourself with pregnancy hormones and depriving your body of nutrients is not the way to go.

Every year I declare that I want to lose a certain amount of weight. Typically my weight loss goal is about 5 pounds. Truthfully, I'm at a weight that's completely acceptable for my height (I'm a tall girl - almost 5' 10"). While my weight is where it needs to be, I still see a heavy girl when I look in the mirror. I'm never fully convinced that I'm at my ideal weight. I'm never completely happy with my progress.

I don't know that I've shared my weight issues on the blog before so I guess I should share my backstory. I always had terrible eating habits when I was younger. My parents were big believers in finishing everything on the plate even if I was full already. We also had access to a lot of junk food - soda, cookies, crackers, potato chips, etc. You name the junk food, we probably had it in the house. While I wasn't an overweight child, I was definitely an overweight teenager and then an overweight young adult.

I really started packing on the pounds during my freshman year of college. I didn't know how to eat properly, so of course I gravitated towards the less than nutritious food options at the dining hall. On top of not knowing how to eat properly, I also had a roommate situation that was extremely stressful, which caused me to eat more. I ate my feelings (and I still do on occasions). I remember getting on the scale at my doctor's office for my annual check up that summer.

The scale read 182 pounds.

I remember sitting down on the table and started crying. I couldn't believe that I let my weight get so out of control. I was embarrassed and disgusted with myself. In addition to being overweight, I also found out that my cholesterol numbers were dangerously high for an 18 year old. Things had to change.

I started going to the gym. I started watching what I ate, how often I ate, and made healthier choices. Unfortunately, the weight didn't come off as quickly as I would have liked it to. I yo-yoed with my weight for the next few years. Since I didn't see immediate results, I would get depressed and turn to food. Then I would realize that I was doing things wrong and tried to eat well and exercise again. It was a vicious cycle for awhile.

After I moved in with E back in 2005, things started to click and the weight started to fall off. It took me about 3 years to lose 40 pounds. Even though people started telling me that I looked good and my clothes started getting smaller, every time I looked in the mirror, I still saw the face of that 182 pound girl.

To this day, I still feel insecure about myself. I tend to avoid the mirror a lot because I still don't like what I see most of the time. I don't take many pictures of myself because I'm convinced I look horrible in most of them. What am I doing wrong? Why can't I see the strong and healthy woman that I've become?

Has anyone else experienced a fairly dramatic weight loss, but still identifies with your old self? What have you done to see the woman you are now?

I'm determined that this year is going to be different in terms of my mindset on my weight. This year my resolution was not to lose weight, it was to maintain my exercise routine and to continue preparing healthy meals for myself (and for E when he returns). I want to see the person I am now when I look in that mirror, not the shadow of who I once was. I don't have to be supermodel thin to be happy. I need to love my body the way it is right now. It's strong and healthy and I shouldn't let my mind tell me otherwise.

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2012-01-04T14:02:00.002-05:00

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

(Sadly, I've already done this and we're

only 4 days into the new year)

Source: someecards.com via Lauren on Pinterest

(I may have done this today.)

Goodbye 2011.

2011-12-31T11:41:00.002-05:00

Source: fiskars.com via Amanda on Pinterest

2011 didn't really turn out the way that I expected it to. While there were definitely some highlights, the bad seemed to overshadow the good.

The Bad:

E has been deployed for almost a year.
We suffered through 1 failed F.emara cycle, 4 failed IUI's, and one cancelled cycle because of overstimulation.
I found out that I have issues with my luteal phase and progesterone levels, which may or may not have contributed to miscarriage #2.
I had 3 ovarian cysts rupture at once, which was probably the worst pain I've ever experienced in my whole life.
I had to put myself on the IVF wait list (I guess this is good/bad).

The Good:

E and I got to spend 2 wonderful weeks together while he was home for R&R.
I finished 16 college classes and maintained my 4.0 GPA.
I met some fabulous new girlfriends here in NC.
My niece, baby A, was born.
My saline sonogram came back all clear. Hopefully my HSG comes back clear also.

Goals for 2012:

Get pregnant and stay pregnant (I know this is pretty much out of my control, but it would be beyond wonderful if this goal is achieved).
Continue to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I'm looking forward to E coming home so I can start cooking again on a regular basis. It's so hard to cook for one!
Be the best student teacher that I can be. I'm looking forward to actually teaching full time for 12 weeks.
Graduate with a 4.0! Graduation day is coming up soon - June 15, 2012.
Get a teaching job and start researching how to obtain my reading specialist degree and/or ESL certification.
Throw E a surprise 30th birthday party.
Find a new hobby - I was thinking about maybe taking guitar lessons (since I actually have an acoustic guitar) or taking a class to learn how to use P.hotoshop correctly at the local community college.
Volunteer - at least a few hours a week.
Take a trip with E to someplace we've never been to before. This may include a trip to Florida to see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I would also love to take a long weekend trip out to Asheville.
Walk the dogs more often. Right now the dogs get one walk a day. I'm hoping to bump it up to two walks a day. This will be good for all of us.
Replace the carpets in our guest bedrooms with hardwood flooring. Maybe our tax return will be enough to complete this goal!

Thanks to my readers for following me throughout the year. I appreciate all of the support you have given me! I hope 2012 is a great year for all of us!

Christmas Recap

2011-12-30T19:06:00.015-05:00

Hey bloggies!

It's been a crazy few weeks. I just got back from a 10 day trip to Pennsylvania yesterday and I'm happy to be home!

First, I spent 2 glorious days with my best friend, her husband, and baby A! I'm so in love with this little girl. I got to spend some quiet, cuddle time with her while mom and dad got a little extra sleep. I changed diapers, made bottles, fed her bottles, and burped her like a pro. All of my nannying/daycare experiences definitely helped me insert myself into their routine. She's such a happy little baby and I'm so glad that I got to meet her. BFF and I also got to cook, bake, and chat together. We made 4 types of Christmas cookies (including these lemon ricotta cookies, which were AMAZING), eggnog waffles, and chicken and pasta with cream sauce. I think I gained my 3 pounds back that I had lost before going home.

(Baby burrito. This is before she "hulked" out of the swaddler.)

(Such a sleepy girl!)

(Check out my awesome Santa onesie from Aunt Lauren!)

(BFF and I. Love this picture!)

After hanging out with BFF and family, I made my way back down to my parents' house for the next 3 days. I met up with a friend to check out bridesmaid dresses for her upcoming wedding in July. I need to get over to Da.vid's B.ridal to order mine in the next few weeks.

The parents and I went to Christmas Eve mass. Unfortunately, they decided to go to the children's mass, which was kind of difficult for me to sit through. So many pregnant bellies, adorable babies, laughing children, and happy families. Thankfully, I made it through without crying, even though it was hard at times. After dinner, I got to watch "A Christmas Story", which is my Christmas Eve tradition. Love it!

Christmas morning was nice and relaxing. My parents got me an awesome N.orth Face jacket, a leg lamp ornament, a few gift cards, and some kitchen goodies. After indulging in our Christmas feast, we headed over to my aunt's house. I haven't seen my extended family since our wedding 5 years ago. I was warned a few days prior that my one cousin announced to everyone at Thanksgiving that she just found out that her and her husband were expecting. Thankfully, her and her husband spent the night at her husband's family's house. On the other hand, one aunt did ask, "So when are you and E having kids". With no expression in my face, I replied, "We've been trying for almost 4 years". Yes, that shut her up. No, I didn't feel bad about it.

(Christmas tree #1)

(My awesome jacket. Excuse the PJ pants.)

(Someone looks bored)

(Leg lamp ornament! This will be the first one that goes up next year.)

(Murph-man with his new toy, which he promptly destroyed in 10 minutes.)

The next day, I headed up to E's parents' house for a few days. My father-in-law's birthday was on Monday, so we cooked a Mexican fiesta for dinner. We made some awesome homemade guacamole, black bean and chicken enchiladas, and fried ice cream. The fried ice cream was a disaster, but everything else turned out perfectly. Next, we opened Christmas and birthday presents. My in-laws gave me some bakeware and a beautiful piece of artwork that I was admiring when visiting an art gallery in DC earlier this year. My little sister-in-law also painted cute pictures frames for E and I.

(Christmas tree #2)

(Awesome print)

(Hey Bella!)

I also had the opportunity to hang out with one of my college roommates, H and another friend K. I had a great time chatting and catching up with these ladies. I wish we lived closer so I could see my friends more than once a year. I also wish I had taken some more pictures. I always bring the camera along, but forget to take it out.

While Christmas was fun, I do hope that next year we have our own child to share it with. I felt like there was something missing as I celebrated with family and friends. I hope everyone had a great time with your family and friends this holiday season.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-28T09:22:00.003-05:00

(Fun with Insta.gram!)

A Soldier's Christmas Poem

2011-12-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

I came across this poem when I was taking a technology course over the summer. I wish I could figure out how to upload the mp3 because the reading brings the poem to life. Instead, I'll just share the written poem here.

- Author Unknown

Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone,

In a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone,

I had come down the chimney with presents to give

And to see just who in this home did live,

I looked all about, a strange site did I see,

No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree,

No stockings by the mantle, Just boots filled with sand,

On the wall hung pictures of far distance lands.

With Medals and badges, Awards of all kinds,

A sober thought came through my mind.

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary,

I had found the home of a soldier once I could see clearly

I heard stories about them, I had to see more

So I walked down the hall and pushed open the door.

The solider lay sleeping, silent, alone,

Curled up in this, His one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder

Not how I pictured a United States Solider.

Was this the War Hero of whom I’d just read?

Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

His head was clean shaven, his weathered face tan,

I soon understood this was more than a man.

I realized the families that I saw this night

Owed they’re lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world the children would play

And grownups celebrate a bright Christmas day.

They enjoyed freedom each month of the year,

Because of these soldiers like the one lying here.

I couldn’t help wonder how many lay alone

On a cold Christmas Eve, in a land far from home.

The very thought brought a tear to my eye

Dropped to my knees and started to cry.

The Soldier awakened and I hear a rough voice,

“Santa don’t cry, this is my life my choice:

I fight for freedom, I don’t ask for more

My life is my god, my country my Corps.”

The Solider rolled over and soon drifted to sleep

I couldn’t control it I started to weep.

I kept watch for hours. So silent and still

And we both shivered from the cold nights chill.

I took off my jacket, the one made of red,

And I covered this Soldier from his toes to his head.

And I put on his T-shirt of gray and black,

With an eagle and an Army patch embroidered on back.

And although it barely fit me, I began to swell with pride,

And for a shining moment, I was United States Army deep inside.

I didn’t want to leave on that cold dark night,

This guardian of honor, so willing to fight.

Then the Solider rolled over with a voice soft and pure,

Whispered, “Carry on Santa, Christmas Day is Secure”

One look at my watch and I knew he was right

Merry Christmas my friend and to all a good night.

Happy holidays!

2011-12-24T19:35:00.004-05:00

It's been a rough couple of days - dealing with pregnant bellies, adorable babies, excited children, and happy families. I pray that all of my friends struggling with infertility and loss this holiday season find some peace and joy. I'm sorry that 2011 has been so tough for so many - myself included. I hope that 2012 brings us all the babies that we've been dreaming, hoping, and praying for. I want to share the joy of the holidays with my own children. I want to see their smiling faces as they open their presents under the tree. I want to dress them in fleece pajamas and snuggle with them by the fire. Please Santa, make a mommy by this time next year.

To all of my readers - Happy Holidays! Enjoy the precious time spent with family and friends. For my milspouse friends who have deployed husbands - thank you for your sacrifice. I know I'm looking forward to having E home in a few weeks or so. I'll catch everyone up on the holiday happenings once I get back to NC next week.

Hello Baby A!

2011-12-22T17:39:00.002-05:00

(Love at first sight!)

A real update

2011-12-17T20:57:00.016-05:00

I guess it's about time to sit down and write a post about what's been going on now that I have some motivation to write. The past 3 months have basically been a whirlwind of studying, writing papers, and completing observation hours.

I finished up my finals about 2 weeks ago and my final grades have finally been posted. I'm happy to report that my 4.0 lives on! At the beginning of the quarter, I thought that this quarter would be easy. Boy was I wrong. I think this was by far the hardest quarter so far. I worked my butt off, was exposed to topics that I haven't studied before, and found that I love working with ESL students. I'm even considering getting an add-on certification to work with ESL students once I finish up my master's/initial certification. I start my last quarter of classes on January 9th. I have 3 classes - World Geography, Mathematics Instruction, and Child Development. Hopefully the classes are interesting!

In addition to finishing up my classes, I'll also be finishing up my P.raxis tests that are required for certification. I take my content knowledge test (the one that I'm dreading) on January 9th and the curriculum test sometime in mid-March.

Finally, I got my student teaching assignment. I will be working with 5th grade students and couldn't be more excited about my placement. The class is small (only 15 students) and they work in small groups for the majority of the day. The small group setting will provide me with some great opportunities to practice differentiation in lesson planning and provide more one-on-one support to students. Graduation is June 15th - the countdown is on!

Since the quarter ended, I've been doing a whole bunch of nothing. Too much time on the computer and in front of the television. While I enjoy the lack of school stress, I'm bored! However with all of my free time, I managed to get all of my Christmas shopping and wrapping done early. I also made some homemade Christmas gifts for friends and started on my baking. I told myself that I would limit the baking this year, but once again, I found myself adding more cookies to the list. Today I made chocolate walnut fudge, chocolate crinkle cookies, and shortbread cookies. Tomorrow, I'll finish up with pumpkin snickerdoodles and peanut butter blossoms.

E surprised me with some awesome anniversary presents. He sent me a beautiful bouquet of Christmas flowers and bought me a sapphire ring. Great presents this year, E!

I'm looking forward to heading home for the holidays. First, I'll be spending a few days with my BFF and my little niece. I'm beyond excited to have some girl time! After my visit, I'll be spending a few days with my parents and then a few days with E's family. I have plans to hang out with some high school and college friends and to go bridesmaid dress shopping for a July wedding that I'll be in.

With Christmas approaching, the end of deployment is also approaching. We have a general idea of when E will be home and it's getting closer every day. I can't wait for him to come home. We're planning on having a late Christmas/anniversary celebration. I got him a few small presents and we're also thinking about taking a weekend trip to somewhere nice. Maybe Asheville or Savannah. We'll have to see what the weather is like when he gets home.

Of course I have to end this post with some pictures of the pups. I'm not sure if I'll be posting over the holidays, so I want to say Happy Holidays to all of my readers! Enjoy the time spent with family and friends!

Our 5th Anniversary!

2011-12-16T01:42:00.001-05:00

I can't believe E and I have been married for 5 years now. Where has the time gone? It feels like our wedding was just yesterday. Let's take a trip down memory lane to our wedding day - December 16, 2006.

I remember how it was warmer than usual for December in Pennsylvania. I had bought my bridesmaids (and myself) shawls to cover our shoulders just in case it was cold outside during pictures. I don't think we needed them at all, but used them in some pictures anyway since they looked so nice with the dresses.

I remember sharing our first kiss as husband and wife. I also remember our priest cutting it off - I guess we kissed for a bit too long. Oops!

I remember riding in the limo to our wedding reception. Everyone took a shot of orange-flavored vodka that was bought by one of the groomsmen I believe. It was disgusting but helped to get us in the mood for a party.

I remember agreeing not to smash cake in each other's faces, but E doing it anyway. Don't worry - I got him back. Backhanded him in the mouth with some cake of my own.

I remember visiting with good friends and family and dancing the night away.

I remember thinking that our wedding turned out just the way we wanted it to. We didn't spend a lot of money on it, but it was perfect.

Over the past 5 years, we've been through a lot. Lots of adventures. Lots of moving. Expanding our family to include our 2 furry friends. Battling infertility. Conceiving but losing 2 angels. Buying our first house. Traveling to far off places. Making it through TDYs, PCSs, and deployments.

Hopefully the next 5 years (and beyond) will bring new experiences and adventures. Babies. More love. More happiness. More joy. I love you E!

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2011-12-14T14:54:00.001-05:00

Source: someecards.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: uniquelynormalmom.com via Lauren on Pinterest

The New Plan

2011-12-12T20:06:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've talked about TTC, but now that this deployment is almost over with, it's finally time to jump back on the rollercoaster.

I talked to Nurse D last Thursday about the lack of ovulation and the fact that I haven't had a cycle day 1 since our IUI #4 failure back in October. Since P.rovera does absolutely nothing for me, we decided that going back on the BCP would be the best option. Of course I had to go into the lab on Friday to take yet another blood pregnancy test. She called me back today to let me know that the test was negative (like we didn't know that already) and to start the BCP today. Since I have to have an HSG done, I'll be starting the BCP on Wednesday since radiology isn't back from the holidays until January 3rd, which should be cycle day 1. I'll stay on the BCP for one more cycle, then we will begin injections for IUI #5 - our last one before IVF #1.

Dr. P. wanted me to do a G.onal/M.enopur combo for IUI #4, but since we had to stretch out the cycle because of E's R&R, I only used the G.onal. Hopefully the new combo will reduce the stimming time from 3 and a half weeks to hopefully 1 and a half. After the IUI, I'll take the E.ndometrin twice a day until I get my BFP or AF rears her ugly head.

Hopefully E gets home before the beginning of February, otherwise IUI #5 will probably not happen. I know I'll have to start BCP for the IVF cycle towards the end of March. Cross your fingers that he gets home in time and that this works so we don't have to pursue IVF. It's time for something to work out for us, isn't it?

A Christmas Quiz

2011-12-11T16:13:00.004-05:00

(Christmas 2010)

While catching up on my blog reading this weekend, I came across a Christmas quiz on the Annoyed Army Wife's blog. Since I'm still not in blogging mode, I thought this would be a fun little quiz to do to get into the holiday spirit.

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? I had a sip of Egg Nog back when I was in college and thought it was absolutely disgusting. However, Lauren = choco-holic, so I'm definitely voting for hot chocolate. My absolute favorite hot chocolate drink is a nonfat hot chocolate from S.tarbucks. In a red cup, please!

Colored lights on tree/house or white? While I absolutely LOVE white lights on a tree, my faux tree has colored lights. When I bought my tree a few years ago, I waited too long and there were only colored lighted trees left in stock. Christmas fail. Next year, I plan on buying a real tree and stringing beautiful, clean, white lights all around it. I can't wait.

Do you hang mistletoe? No, but my mom hangs a fake mistletoe ball in one of the living room doorways each year. I think it looks horrendous. I'd never spring for the real stuff either because the dogs would probably think it was safe to eat. Wrong.

When do you put your decorations up? I typically decorate the weekend after Thanksgiving. This year is different though since E is deployed. I limited myself to one tote of Christmas decorations since I won't be around for the holidays. The only things I have up are a wreath for the front door, some garland, and a few mantle decorations.

What is your favorite holiday dish? I have a slight obsession with turkey and my mom makes it every year for Thanksgiving, as well as Christmas. So turkey and this creamed corn casserole that my mother-in-law makes. So many calories, but oh so good.

Favorite holiday memory as a child? When I first walked down into the living room on Christmas morning and saw all of the presents waiting for my brother and I under the Christmas tree. My parents didn't have grand and lavish Christmases when they were younger, so they always went all out for us when we were younger. There were literally mountains of presents, all beautifully wrapped. Just seeing all of the packages sitting under the lit Christmas tree was breathtaking. I can't wait to create a beautiful, welcoming scene like that for our own children someday.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I want to say I was probably about 8 or 9 when I found that my parents were really Santa. My brother and I were snooping around one day and found the stash of Christmas gifts in my dad's closet. Half of the presents were marked "From Santa". Oops.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? No, that wasn't part of our family tradition. However, when we have children, I would like to give them cute Christmas pajamas to open up that they can wear to bed and wear in the morning while opening their presents.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? The tree is pre-lit, so I just have to put up the ornaments. Last year, I kept it pretty simple. Put up a few balls, my D.isney ornaments, and my ornament to honor our angel babies.

Snow! Love it or dread it? I loved it as a child, but dread it now. I particularly dread it since we live down South where the town practically shuts down at the mention of a flurry. Please stay away this year, snow!

Do you remember your favorite gift? I've always been a huge fan of books for as long as I can remember. When I was 10, I got a giant box of books - The Babysitters Club books. Best present hands down.

What is your favorite holiday dessert? My mom's butter cookies and my white chocolate and almond bark.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? When I was younger, my favorite tradition was decorating the tree on Christmas Eve. Now, it's exchanging gifts with E before we head home for the holidays.

Candy Canes: Yuck or yum? Yuck, unless they're the kind that aren't peppermint flavored. I got a hold of some cherry flavored ones last year that were pretty awesome.

Favorite Christmas movie? Definitely "A Christmas Story"! I can't wait for the TBS 24 hour marathon starting on Christmas Eve.

Saddest Christmas song? "I'll Be Home For Christmas" - It was written about soldiers who couldn't be with their families during the holidays. I'm sad that E and many other soldiers will be away from their families this holiday season.

What is your favorite Christmas song? I really loved singing "Away In a Manager" and "Silent Night" when I was in the children's choir.

Hello Friday

2011-12-09T16:30:00.004-05:00

I'm too lazy, tired, and sad to write a blog post for today, but I did take some cute pictures of the pups this week. I think I'll share them with you. Maybe I'll write something up tomorrow or Sunday. Hope everyone had a good week.

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2011-12-07T07:35:00.001-05:00

Source: dogs.icanhascheezburger.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: twitpic.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Another year older

2011-12-06T06:25:00.003-05:00

Source: someecards.com via Kelli Michelle on Pinterest

I can't believe I'm 29 years old today. I just got used to telling people that I was 28 years old. I confess that I still think of myself as being about 24 years old on some days. I don't feel like I'm almost 30. Where has the time gone?

It's been quite a year of ups and downs and highs and lows. Even though I didn't conquer infertility and pregnancy loss this year, I did have quite a few accomplishments to put down in the record books.

I finished 16 classes towards my teaching certification/master's degree.
I maintained my 4.0 GPA.
I survived 9 months of deployment with the pups.
I became stronger physically through my hard work and dedication in the gym.
I formed new friendships with some fabulous ladies.
I grew closer to my best friend throughout her pregnancy, which I didn't think could happen, but it did.
I successfully co-planned a baby shower with the help of BFF's sister and momma.
My extended family grew to include my new little niece.

Here are some things that I hope to accomplish during my 29th year:

Get pregnant and stay pregnant whether through my last IUI or through IVF/FET.
Be the best student teacher that I can be to my 5th grade kiddos.
Graduate with a 4.0 GPA and top honors in June.
Research reading specialist programs (not even finished my degree, but already wanting to earn another degree).
Plan and take a nice vacation with E when he returns from deployment.
Obtain a teaching position - could be a full-time position or a sub position.
Pursue a new hobby - maybe I'll finally take guitar lessons or learn how to use Photoshop.

I also noticed that I've finally surpassed the 200 follower mark. What a great birthday present for a blogger. I appreciate each of my readers and enjoy the comments that are left on many of my posts. I'm looking forward to blogging even more this year!

Cinnamon Sugar Bread

2011-12-04T17:31:00.014-05:00

Two posts in one day? What's going on?! Since I'm officially finished with the fall quarter, I don't really have anything to do at the moment. I decided to take this weekend off from doing anything school-related, but starting tomorrow I'll be studying for my Pr.axis II tests.

I thought I would write up a post about a great recipe that I tried out earlier in the week. I was invited over to a friend's house for dinner on Friday and I volunteered to bring dessert. After searching around for a great quick bread recipe, I came across this cinnamon sugar bread recipe on Liz's blog - A Whisk and A Prayer. I've adapted a few of her recipes in the past and they have tasted divine. This bread was no exception! I did decrease the amount of sugar used in both the batter and the cinnamon sugar topping. I felt that 1 & 1/3 cups of sugar would have made the bread a little too sweet. I included the original amounts though just in case you like your bread extra sweet!

Ingredients

For the cinnamon sugar swirl:

1/4 cup white sugar (originally 1/3 cup)

2 tsp ground cinnamon

For the batter:

2 cups flour (recipe called for all-purpose, but I subbed in whole wheat)

1 tbsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup sugar (originally 1 cup)

1 egg, beaten (I used egg beaters)

1 cup milk (I used skim)

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce (recipe called for oil)

To prepare:

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.

2. Spray a 9x5 inch loaf pan with cooking spray.

3. In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt, and 3/4 cup sugar.

4. Add egg, milk, and applesauce to the dry ingredients.

5. Stir until moistened.

6. Pour half of the batter into the loaf pan.

7. Combine 1/4 cup sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl.

8. Sprinkle half of the cinnamon sugar mixture over batter.

9. Pour the remaining batter into the loaf pan.

10. Sprinkle the remaining cinnamon sugar over batter.

11. Drag a knife through the batter to swirl in cinnamon sugar.

12. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes. A toothpick should come out clean.

13. Cool in the loaf pan for 10 minutes before turning out onto a cooling rack.

14. Cool completely overnight or enjoy a warm piece!

My first crafting project

2011-12-04T09:29:00.008-05:00

I can't stop talking about how much I love Pinterest. I've found so many great recipes and crafting ideas on there! I wanted to give a homemade gift to my wonderful Thanksgiving hostess, but I had no clue what to make. Pinterest, to the rescue! I came across an easy-to-make lemon sugar scrub from Stephanie's blog - Under The Table and Dreaming. 3 ingredients is all you need to make a 16 oz. jar of the scrub (The original recipe stated that the mix would fill a 12 oz. mason jar, so if you use that size, there will probably be some left over for yourself). I'm planning on making more for a few family members for Christmas presents.

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups sugar

1 cup extra virgin olive oil

4 Tbsp lemon juice

Directions

1. Mix sugar and olive oil together in a large bowl.

2. Add lemon juice to the mixture and stir until a gritty paste forms.

3. Spoon into a mason jar or other glass container of your choosing.

4. I added a decorative ribbon around the top of the jar to dress it up a little bit.

I also slapped a label on top so the recipient would know what was inside.

Blog Award

2011-12-02T13:57:00.002-05:00

There's a blog award that's been floating around the blogosphere lately - The Liebster Award. My buddy JM over at Meier Madness and Megan over at This Space For Rent both gave me this award last week. Thanks ladies! Check out their blogs and wish them luck on their IVF cycles! JM will be triggering tonight (hopefully) and Megan just had her transfer. Hoping for some BFPs ladies!

This award goes out to bloggers who have less than 200 followers, so I just made the cut. I need 4 more to reach the 200 mark. Come out, lurkers. :)

Here are the rules to pass this award on:

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

2. Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.

4. Hope that the people you've sent the award to forward it to their five favorite bloggers and keep it going.

Here are the 5 bloggers I would like the pass the award on to:

1. Brittany over at Bohemian Transplant

2. Erika over at This Hampton Life of Mine

3. Brittany over at Aviation of Love

4. Alison over at Always Moving Forward

5. Ashley at My Life as "Lucy"

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In

2011-12-02T12:30:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile since I participated in a fill-in; however, I finished my three classes on Wednesday! Now I finally have some free time to catch up on blogging. Head over to Wifey's blog to link up!

1. If I could be on any reality TV show, I'd want to be on Top Chef because I love cooking! I would definitely have to brush up on my cooking skills to compete with those talented chefs.

2. This past Thanksgiving I spent the day with good friends since E is still deployed.

3. I'm looking forward to December because there is so much to celebrate. My 29th birthday, our 5th anniversary, and of course, Christmas. I also get to spend 3 days with my best friend and my new niece.

4. One thing I'd like to accomplish this month is studying for my Pr.axis II test. I need to prepare for the elementary education content area test, which I'll be taking in January.

5. To me, winter is depressing at times. It's cold, dreary, and gets dark way too early. However, we are lucking out down here in NC at the moment. Weather has been in the 60's and I'm loving it!

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

2011-11-30T13:29:00.001-05:00

Source: sunshineandpearls.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: picasaweb.google.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Welcome to the world baby girl

2011-11-27T19:37:00.010-05:00

After much anticipation and waiting, BFF (M) finally had her little girl yesterday! A. was originally due on November 18th; however, she had other plans. M. has been uncomfortable for almost the whole third trimester. A. decided that she wanted to lodge herself up under momma's rib cage, so M. was definitely ready to deliver her little girl!

M. went in for her weekly appointment this past Tuesday and they told her that she was only 1 cm dilated and to come back in on Friday for a non-stress test. She passed the test and found out that she was having contractions and didn't even know it! She also dilated 2 more centimeters. She was told that labor might happen at anytime.

Since I've been on baby watch for the last few weeks, the ringer on my cell phone stayed up at all times - just in case. On Saturday morning around 7, M.'s husband texted me to let me know they were being admitted to the hospital. M.'s sister provided me with updates throughout the day since M. was too busy - you know being in labor - to send me updates from her phone. Finally at 4:34 PM baby A. arrived! She was 8 lbs, 7 oz, and 22 inches long. I'm happy to report that her and momma are doing well and will be headed home tomorrow!

I'm am so overwhelmingly happy for M., her husband, and her family. She has been along for the ride on my infertility rollercoaster, so I wanted to be nothing but supportive towards her and her pregnancy. Am I a little jealous? I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not, but I'm truly happy for her.

M. and I have been friends since the first day of high school way back in 1996 - Over 15 years of friendship! Insane! She's been there for me through thick and thin; good times and bad times. We've had crazy adventures together, have been in each other's weddings, and now she's entering a new stage in her life - motherhood. Even though I can't join her in that stage (yet), I'll be there to support her through it. I already love baby girl and can't wait to meet her in just a few weeks. Congratulations M and welcome to the world baby A! Aunt Lauren loves you already!

(M. and I at my wedding - December 2006)

(M.'s wedding - November 2008)

(With the husbands - Christmas 2009)

(M.'s baby shower - September 2011)

(Baby A.!)

Some Black Friday Humor

2011-11-25T13:41:00.003-05:00

Being a former retail employee and knowing the craziness associated with Black Friday has inspired me NOT to participate in the shopping insanity. Instead of shopping, I'm spending the day getting a jump start on my last week of school, cuddling with the pups, and watching movies. Baby watch also continues. My best friend is now officially 1 week past her due date, but 3 cm dilated! Finally! Come on baby girl!

I came across some fun Black Friday pins on Pinterest that I thought I'd share. Hope everyone participating in Black Friday got what they were looking for, even though I do think you're all a bit crazy :)

Source: bluntcard.com via Alanna on Pinterest

Source: motifake.com via Andre on Pinterest

Source: someecards.com via Kayla on Pinterest

Source: forwardeverforward.com via Paul on Pinterest

Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T06:44:00.003-05:00

Source: decorationideas.org via RMG on Pinterest

The holidays are upon us once again. Where did the time go? It's feels like we were just celebrating Christmas and New Year's not too long ago.

Now this post may make me seem like an ungrateful person at times, but it's my blog and how I truly feel, so here it goes.

I'm upset that this is our 4th Thanksgiving and Christmas that we have to spend childless. This time last year, I envisioned being pregnant again or having our first child by this point. Every time I turn on the television, there are holiday commercials where families are gathered around the holiday table or opening presents next to a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. Why can't E and I experience that? Will we ever get the opportunity to experience that?

I envisioned buying cute little onesies that read "My First Thanksgiving" or "My First Christmas". I envisioned buying baby's first stocking and baby's first Christmas ornament to place on our tree right next to the ornament I bought last year to honor our two angel babies.

When discussing holiday plans with my dad the other week, he mentioned inviting my aunts, uncles, and cousins to the house for dinner on Christmas evening. I told him that I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. Why you may be asking? It's your family, isn't it? I don't want all the questions - Why haven't you had any kids yet? When will you start trying? It's definitely not appropriate at Christmas to start balling my eyes out and saying that we've been trying for almost 4 years and that we've lost 2 precious babies so far, is it?

Some people might be thinking - you have a great husband, two dogs, your own house, and good friends. Why can't that be enough? I love and appreciate my family and friends as well as everything else that is in my life at the moment, but it's simply not enough. My life will not be complete until we have children. There's a piece of my heart that's empty and only children will fill it. I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, so no, my life the way that it is right now is not enough.

Well that's all I have to say on that matter at the moment because I'm getting far too emotional at the moment to write anymore.

Here are some things I am grateful for this year:

My wonderful husband, E. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you with all my heart.
My friends both far and near; old and new; real-life and through my blog and Twitter. You all play an important role in my life. You offer me support, love, and compassion when I need it.
Bella and Murphy - my two crazy puppies. You're both a constant source of entertainment and comfort to me.
Dr. P, Nurse D, and the nurses - Even though I haven't gotten pregnant yet, I know that you're all hoping for the best for me and do everything in your power to help me get pregnant again. I've never had a better experience with a clinic before.
My education - I've been blessed with the opportunity to go back to school to earn my teaching certification as well as my Master's degree. I've met and worked with some fabulous teachers and students and am looking forward to student teaching in the spring and finally graduating in June.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Enjoy the time spent with your families and friends. Cherish the moments and memories that will be made.

Wordless Wednesday - Thanksgiving edition

2011-11-23T13:35:00.000-05:00

Source: someecards.com via Melinda on Pinterest

Source: myonlinebestfriendsblog.blogspot.com via Pester and Scrappy on Pinterest

November ICLW

2011-11-21T14:32:00.003-05:00

Hello visitors and new followers from ICLW! Welcome to my little corner of the Internet.

My name is Lauren. I'm 28 (soon to be 29 in a few short weeks) and this is my 5th ICLW. My husband E and I have been married for almost 5 years and have been TTC since April 2008. I've been seeing infertility specialists and REs for about 3 years now and have been pregnant twice. Unfortunately, both of those pregnancies were lost - one at 11 weeks and the other at 5 and 1/2 weeks. I was diagnosed with PCOS about a year and a half ago.

Since we're a military family, we've moved quite a few times in the last 6 years, which has made TTC challenging at times. I've done 7 rounds of C.lomid, 1 round of F.emara, and 5 rounds of injections. All of the injection cycles were IUI cycles; however, one was cancelled due to overstimulation. My husband has been deployed for the last year, but I still proceeded with treatments while he was gone up until about 2 months ago. Right now, we're on a TTC break until this deployment is over with. We'll have one more shot at IUI before moving onto IVF cycle #1 in April.

Outside of the infertility world, I'm a graduate student pursuing my master's in Teaching, Learning, and Curriculum, as well as my elementary education certification. I'm about to start my last quarter of classes in January and will be student teaching in 5th grade starting in March. I love hanging out with my 2 dogs, Bella and Murphy, reading, listening to music, going to the gym, cooking, and baking. My new found addiction in Pinterest helps me discover new recipes that I can experiment with when E returns early next year.

I'm looking forward to discovering some new blogs this week. Don't be afraid to leave a comment!

I love a good concert

2011-11-20T19:55:00.007-05:00

I promised a concert recap before the weekend was over, so here it is. I didn't think I'd actually get to it due to an insane amount of homework, but I just finished up and it's still relatively early.

Let me preface this recap by saying that it's been a good 7 years since I've been to a concert. I was so excited to go to this one. In college, I used to go to a show at least once a month (if not more). I love music and enjoyed seeking out new bands and experiencing them live. One of my roommates and I kept a list of the bands we had seen in concert and I want to say that the list totaled over 200. Unfortunately once college ended and I entered the "real world", there was no time for concerts.

When my friend Brittany asked back in April if anyone wanted to go see Taylor Swift with her in November, I jumped at the chance to get tickets. Why not? E isn't here, I love Taylor Swift, and it's been way too long since I've seen a show. So on Thursday we headed up to Raleigh for the long-awaited concert.

Even though we weren't sitting particularly close, we still had awesome seats. We were up in the press seats so we had comfortable chairs and a counter to put our food and drinks on. The opening bands were kind of lame, but that was ok because Taylor's performance made up for it. She played for over 2 hours and performed 19 songs. It was a good mix of her old and new songs, most of which I knew. Her dresses were amazing and so were her sets and guitars. She even played the banjo on a few songs. Despite the large amount of screaming tweens and teens, it was an amazing show! I think I have the concert bug again, so I need to search for another one to go to.

I'll leave you with a few pictures from the show. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Sneak Peak

2011-11-18T16:29:00.004-05:00

I'm in the middle of working on a final project for one of my classes, but I just wanted to post a picture of who I got to see last night. I'll write a real blog post and attach some more pictures later this weekend!

(Taylor Swift concert - 11.17.11)

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-16T13:10:00.002-05:00

Source: someecards.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: ifunny.mobi via PCOSChick on Pinterest

Fertile vision

2011-11-15T16:26:00.002-05:00

Source: Uploaded by user via Jennifer on Pinterest

Question: What exactly is fertile vision?

Answer: It's when I go out to a public place and all I can do is zero in on all the lucky pregnant women. It's like I have tunnel vision when it comes to pregnancy.

Every time I go out - to T.arget, the mall, S.tarbucks, restaurants, the library, the commissary, etc. - there are always pregnant women. Everywhere I look, there they are. Baby pictures, belly shots, pregnancy announcements are all over F.acebook. If it wasn't for the chat sessions with E, I would take a FB break because the daily updates and pictures from some friends are overwhelming.

When we weren't TTC, I don't think I noticed pregnant women and babies as much. There were probably the same amount of pregnant women around me, but I just didn't realize it.

It's frustrating and a little bit insane how much I obsess over getting pregnant/being pregnant again. I think it's all coming to a boiling point now since we're on a TTC break for at least another 2 months. The holidays also make it hard to deal with. Another Thanksgiving, birthday, and Christmas goes by without a baby to call our own. I won't even have a baby to hold in my arms by my 30th birthday. Now hopefully I'll be pregnant again at that point, but IVF isn't 100% guaranteed.

Does anyone else have fertile vision or am I just crazy?

Cuteness alert!

2011-11-12T16:07:00.003-05:00

Since I've been swamped with homework this weekend, I haven't had time to sit down and write a proper blog post. I did want to post something today, so I thought I'd share a picture of my pups with you. Enjoy!

Veteran's Day

2011-11-11T17:21:00.004-05:00

I wanted to say thank you to our military service members, both past and present, for their service to our country. All gave some, but some gave all. I continue to pray for the safety of our troops overseas, especially E and his unit. I also continue to remember our friend Dan, who was K.I.A. in Afghanistan a few years ago. He was a wonderful man, husband, son, and friend. E and I miss him very much and will never forget him.

(Dan's wedding - Adam, Dan, and E)

(E's last deployment)

Another Wordless Wednesday brought to you by Pinterest

2011-11-09T07:00:00.001-05:00

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: happyplace.com via Laura on Pinterest

One year ago

2011-11-04T19:36:00.005-04:00

Source: community.thebump.com via Kasi on Pinterest

This time last year I was sitting in the ER on post waiting to miscarry. E was away for training. I was alone and scared. We had just recently moved back here and I didn't know anyone so I had to sit in the ER by myself for more than 8 hours. I was told by the PA that I wasn't pregnant even though I knew I was. I was told by the ER doctor that I had a threatened miscarriage even though I knew it was over. I had been passing clots all day. The home pregnancy tests were getting lighter and lighter each day. There was no hope that this baby would survive.

One year later, I'm still not pregnant. None of our treatments have worked. I've stuck myself with countless needles, have had more encounters with "wandy" than I'd like to admit, have gained weight due to medications and depression, and have experienced 3 cysts bursting at one time. I just started a new bottle of prenatal vitamins. I don't even know how many bottles I've gone through in the past 3 and a half years. Every time I open a new one I think to myself, "Maybe I'll only have to take these for another 9 months, then I can take a break from them". Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I'm angry because we've had to put TTC on hold for 6 months. I'm worried that IVF won't work. I'm scared to find out whether I'll have the strength to go through another round of IVF or if we'll start looking into adoption. I just want my baby please.

Wordless Wednesday - Brought to you by Pinterest

2011-11-02T07:26:00.000-04:00

Source: Uploaded by user via PCOSChick on Pinterest

What's going on?

2011-10-30T17:21:00.006-04:00

I've been slacking on the posts because life is a bit overwhelming at the moment. I'm halfway through my second to last quarter of classes and my parents decided to come visit for a week. In between writing papers, answering midterm questions, and writing discussion board posts, I've been cramming in 30 hours of classroom observations. Thankfully, I'm almost finished! That means I can finally get back into my normal routine, which includes going back to spin and muscles classes.

My parents visit definitely threw me off. They were here for an entire week, so I had to do my best to entertain them. Unfortunately for all of us, there's not too much to do around here, so a lot of time was spent in the house. My dad and I did get to go ziplining (not an activity that I thought I would be able to do in North Carolina) and we had a good time.

(My dad zipping along)

(Waiting to cross the huge suspension bridge)

(Waterfall!)

(Suspension bridge)

Since we're currently sitting on the TTC bench until the beginning of next year, I decided to go through with any and all testing that my RE suggests in preparation for IVF. After some scheduling conflicts due to not having a negative pregnancy test (talk about a stab to an infertile's heart after a failed IUI) on file, I finally had my saline sonogram done. I was nervous because another doctor would be performing the procedure since my RE was out of the clinic. Surprisingly, everything went well and I only experienced some minor cramping after the procedure was over with. Nurse D told me that everything looked clear. We also discussed scheduling an HSG to check out my tubes. D thought that I had had one done before - nope! Since I can't schedule the HSG until the next cycle day 1, I'm looking at popping some birth control pills. My chart is all over the place and I haven't ovulated or had a period without drugs in who knows how long, so I'll go in for another darn blood test on cycle day 35, then start the birth control. D suggested that I just stay on the pills until E gets home so we can time one more IUI before our IVF cycle in April.

While we were on the topic of IVF, I asked about the drug protocol. It seems my combo of meds will be L.upron, G.onal, M.enopur, and E.ndometrin. I'm slightly nervous about the M.enopur because I've heard that it burns. Hopefully I won't have to stim too long or produce too many follicles which causes a cancellation. Figuring out a correct dosage for me has proven to be tricky in the past. D told me that I'll most likely come in for monitoring every day or every other day. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

So I guess that's the run down of what's been going on around here. BF is gearing up to have baby girl. Since I won't be able to make it home for Thanksgiving, we decided that I would spend a few days with them before Christmas. I'm looking forward to meeting my "niece". She's already so spoiled and she's not even here yet.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend! Happy Halloween tomorrow :)

And the winners are....

2011-10-30T08:25:00.002-04:00

Thanks to everyone who entered the Shutterfly Holiday Card Giveaway!

The winners are:

JM from Meier Maddness

Alison from Always Moving Forward

~she~ from SHE Says

Please leave a comment with your email address or email me directly so I can send you your promotional code for 25 free cards!

If I'm not contacted by Tuesday at midnight, I'll be re-drawing for another winner(s).

I hope to have another giveaway soon, so keep a look out!

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In

2011-10-28T07:00:00.002-04:00

Well it's been a few weeks since I've participated in the MilSpouse Friday Fill-In, but I'm back! Head over to Wifey's blog to link up your blog and to sign up for the MilSpouse Secret Santa!

1. The best part of October was getting to spend time with E for his R&R. I can't wait for him to be home for good next year!

2. The worst part of October was having to send E back overseas and finding out that our 4th IUI did not work.

3. For Halloween, I'll be sitting on the porch to hand out Halloween candy like I did last year. The dogs go INSANE every time the doorbell rings, so I sit outside with a bowl of candy to avoid barking and howling for 2 hours.

4. I hope that in November I get the majority of my school work finished so that finals week will be a breeze in December.

5. Wifey has posted MilSpouse Secret Santa. I will be participating.

Don't forget to enter my Shutterfly giveaway! The giveaway closes on Saturday evening and I will be announcing the winner on Sunday!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-26T11:22:00.001-04:00

Happy Halloween from Murphy

(and Bella who's hiding because she HATES the camera)

A lack of updates

2011-10-25T16:59:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. It's been a busy week around the house since my parents have been visiting for the past week. I've also had midterms, classroom observation hours, and fertility-related appointments. I drop the parents off at the airport tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be able to sit down and write a post tomorrow night or Thursday afternoon.

Just a reminder - Don't forget to enter my giveaway. You can win 25 free holiday photo cards from Shutterfly! I'll be accepting entries until Saturday evening and announcing the winners on Sunday morning!

Christmas Card Giveaway!

2011-10-22T15:12:00.005-04:00

Last year, I came across a promotion from Shutterfly that offered 25 free Christmas cards to Blogger users. I was so excited because I love to go through our family photos from the year, select the best ones, and send cards out to our family and friends. Since I have a long list of people to send cards to, the free card promotion was an amazing help over the holidays. Shutterfly has a large variety of Christmas and holiday cards to choose from. There are also some other great products available, such as photo books and greeting cards. I was so excited when Shutterfly announced that they would be running this promotion again.

I have a few pictures from E's R&R that I would like to include on this year's card, plus a few pictures of our adorable pups. I already started looking at the options for this year. Here are some of my favorites so far.

(The Cheer Christmas Collage - would be

perfect for a larger picture of E and I and

2 smaller pictures of Bella and Murphy)

(I love the simplicity and colors of this card)

(This one is so darn adorable!)

Ok bloggies, here comes the giveaway part. Shutterfly has not only provided me with a code for 25 free cards, they have also given me promotional codes for 3 of my wonderful readers!

I guess you're wondering how you can enter to win, right? Well here are the ways you can enter to win 25 free cards (Please leave a comment for each separate entry).

1. You must be a follower via GFC. Leave me a comment telling me which card you would like to order from Shutterfly.

2. Tweet about this giveaway.

3. Write a blog about this giveaway.

I will be using the Random Number generator to determine the winner. The giveaway will close next Saturday, October 29th and I'll announce the winner on Sunday, October 30th. Good luck!

October ICLW

2011-10-21T07:39:00.002-04:00

Hello fellow ICLWers,

Welcome to my blog! This is my 5th time doing ICLW. I discovered some great blogs and gained a few new followers last month and I'm looking forward to doing the same this time around.

Let me give you some background information - My name is Lauren and I'm 28 years old. I'm married to my wonderful husband E. I'm a proud military spouse, full time graduate student pursuing a master's degree and certification in elementary education, momma to 2 furbabies, Bella and Murphy, and momma to my 2 angel babies. I love reading, spinning, weight training, baking, cooking, and teaching.

We've been TTC for over 4 years now. I was diagnosed with PCOS (lean) last June while we were stationed in Arizona. I have extremely irregular cycles when not on fertility medications(i.e. 146 cycle from hell last summer). I've done countless rounds of C.lomid and injectible medications. I've had 2 miscarriages - one in March 2009 (11 weeks) and the other in November 2010 (5 and a half weeks). My 4th and last IUI was a failure, so TTC is being put on hold until the spring when E comes home from deployment. We will be pursuing IVF with ICSI in April 2012. If you want to see our full history, click on the "Our TTC History" tab at the top of the page.

I'm looking forward to reading new blogs and having new people read mine! Please leave a comment to let me know you stopped by so I can head over to your blog.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-19T09:03:00.003-04:00

Source: tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

(Rumor has it that Arrested Development

may be coming back for another season.

This would be AMAZING; however,

I'll believe it when I see it.)

Attention lurkers!

2011-10-16T16:39:00.000-04:00

(photo credit)

I'm going to be holding my first giveaway very soon, so click that little "Join This Site" button in order to be eligible to win!

I appreciate all the love and support from all of my readers! Also, please leave a comment so I can follow you back :) I'll post the details of the giveaway towards the end of the week/beginning of next week.

October 15th

2011-10-15T14:55:00.002-04:00

(photo credit)

Did you know that today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day? It's a day to remember and honor all those that lost their lives much too soon through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, still birth, or infant death and lends support to all the parents, grandparents, families, and friends involved.

Sadly, I know too many people who have been affected by pregnancy and infant loss. We lost our angels on March 25, 2010 and November 4, 2010.

Tonight, at 7pm in all time zones, please light a candle for one hour to create a wave of light and show your support.

I'm also posting an article published in The Washington Post to share some information about this day.

Pregnancy and Infant Remembrance Day: Marking lives lost too early

By Janice D’Arcy

This weekend families around the country will mark losses that are often unacknowledged by friends and even sometimes by family. Oct. 15 is officially called Pregnancy and Infant Remembrance Day. Unofficially, it’s known as the time of year when families that grieve over miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death find company and solace.

Remembrance Day originated in 1988, when President Ronald Reagan designated October as a month to focus attention on these deaths. Advocates later chose the 15th as a specific day for personal reflection and public events, such as the International Wave of Light when parents all over the world are encouraged to light candles at 7 p.m. to recall their lost children.

“Culturally, Americans don’t know what to do when it comes to mourning a pregnancy loss,” said Julie Bindeman, a Rockville psychologist who plans on marking the day. She has suffered three pregnancy losses.

“Things are more concrete when it comes to losing a known loved one. There is the pull to ‘get over it’ and ‘put it aside.’ However, for mothers and families that have suffered through this kind of loss, the grief stays with them. With time, the grief diminishes, but a day of remembrance allows both those who have experienced the loss and those that have not to validate the grief.”

Have you experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss? Has the loss been acknowledged or understood by those around you?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-12T13:19:00.000-04:00

Source: tasteofawesome.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Thank you Pinterest for making me laugh today. I needed it.

Moving onto IVF

2011-10-11T19:49:00.002-04:00

(photo credit)

I left a message for my RE's nurse on Sunday and she called me back this afternoon. Here is the tentative plan:

I will have a saline sonogram done sometime next week. However, my RE won't be able to perform the sonogram because the clinic is closed. Either the radiology department or another doctor will be performing the procedure. Not sure how I feel about this, but it needs to be done within a certain timeframe.

We will attempt to do one more IUI after E returns, but before IVF. If it works - great. That means we save about $7,000 plus I don't have to stick myself an insane amount of times. If it doesn't, then we will go to the IVF orientation on April 18th. I thought that I would start the prep for IVF in March; however, I was originally misinformed. It doesn't look like the clinic is doing anything IVF related in March. I'm actually alright with this. E is supposed to have 2 weeks of vacation at the beginning of April and we were debating going on a vacation. I'll have a week off from student teaching due to spring break, so this actually works out perfectly for us.

The egg retrieval would tentatively occur during the week of May 7 with either a 3 or 5 day transfer. It looks like I'll have to ask to begin my student teaching about a week early so I can have a few days off for the procedures. I don't want to fall behind and have to make up the few days at the beginning of June.

While I'm not trying to dwell on this past IUI failure, it's hard not to be disappointed. I'm glad we have a plan, but it's also disappointing that we have to put TTC on hold for so long. It feels like we're always waiting. My first angel's first birthday should have been this coming Thursday, October 13. What would have our lives been like if that baby would have been born?

Also, possibly the only positive that came out of this IUI was finding out that 2 doses of progesterone is needed each day. My LP while on 1 dose was 10 days. My LP this time was 13 days, which is back in the "normal" range. I wonder what would have happened with the first 3 IUIs if I had been on the progesterone 2 times a day instead of 1? There I go again, dwelling on the past. I really need to just move on, live in the present, and look forward to the future. It's still hard at this point, but I'll get there. Someday.

It's not goodbye, it's see you later

2011-10-10T13:27:00.004-04:00

Sadly, E's R&R is over with and he's on his way back to finish up this deployment. I hope time goes by quickly, so our family can be complete again. I still need to write a blog post on our weekend trip to D.C., thoughts on this last IUI, and school. New, longer posts will have to wait though since homework is calling me. I'll leave you with a few pictures I took before I took E to the airport.

(Our little family)

(Just the two of us)

The results are in

2011-10-09T20:51:00.002-04:00

IUI #4 = BFN

AF showed up in full force this morning.

We are currently on a TTC hiatus until the deployment is over. I left a message with Nurse D about scheduling my saline sonogram in the next few weeks since this is probably the last time I'll have a CD 1 for a long time. I also asked to set up a meeting with her or Dr. P. to talk about a tentative timeline for IVF #1 which will happen in late March/early April.

I don't know what else to say about this right now. I'm numb.

M.I.A.

2011-10-03T15:16:00.003-04:00

I've been M.I.A lately, but definitely for good reason. E and I decided to spend the weekend up in Washington, D.C. and we just got back today. I have to catch up on some homework, but I promise an IUI update and pictures from the weekend soon!

(Old Town Alexandria)

IUI #4 complete!

2011-09-27T12:46:00.003-04:00

My last update about IUI #4 was about 10 days ago. Oops! Well last Wednesday I went back into Dr. P's for another ultrasound and blood draw. We saw that I had 3 good sized follies - an 11, 14, and 16. My estradiol level had also increased from 27 to 60. Dr. P. decided that we would increase my G.onal dosage from 75 IUs to 150 IUs on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Since I already gave myself my daily injection that morning, I had to double up when I got home. The plan was to trigger on Saturday and have the IUI done on Monday morning.

I was very worried that E wouldn't make it home in time for IUI #4, because his first flight got cancelled. Thankfully, I received a phone call from him on Saturday morning because he was finally in the U.S.! I triggered on Saturday night around 10:00 and we had the IUI done yesterday morning around 11:00! I start the E.ndometrin today - we're upping the dosage from 100 mg/day to 200 mg/day. I've already started to feel some crazy ovary pain, so I'm trying to take it easy.

I'll try my hardest to hold off on testing until next weekend. There are no pee sticks in the house to tempt me (at the moment).

Milspouse Friday Fill-In

2011-09-23T13:11:00.005-04:00

It's been a few weeks since I participated in the Milspouse Friday Fill-In. I've been busy getting the house ready for E to come home for his R&R and the fall quarter has finally begun. I'll have to write a blog post later on our IUI progress and the new quarter, but for now, I'll just answer this week's questions. Head over to Wifey's blog to link up your blog!

1. My favorite thing that happened this week was being given the go ahead to trigger this weekend for IUI #4! It's our last shot before IVF in the spring, so please send some extra prayers and good thoughts our way.

2. Find a penny, pick it up and all day you'll have good luck as long as it was heads-up when you found it.

3. Autumn is officially here and my favorite part of the season is baking treats with pumpkin. I'm making pumpkin chocolate chip bars tonight, so I'll be sure to write up a blog post to share the recipe and some pictures! I also love the slightly cooler weather, the fact that it's football season again, leaves changing, the holidays, and drinking hot chocolate from S.tarbucks. I love fall!

4. One of the things I'd like to do before winter arrives is enclose our screened in porch. I would love to make it an all seasons porch.

5. I (would/would not/might) be willing to participate in Milspouse Secret Santa. I would definitely be interested in participating in Milspouse Secret Santa!

Pinterest fun

2011-09-18T16:50:00.003-04:00

So I may be addicted to Pinterest (definitely addicted). I thought I would dedicate a post to some of the recipes that I would like to try out when E is home for R&R. I absolutely love cooking and baking and am looking forward to cooking for 2 and baking up some goodies while he's here for a short time.

Pumpkin chocolate chip brownies - I love, love, love baked goods with pumpkin in it. I'll have to change up a few ingredients to make the recipe gluten free, so I'm hoping they turn out good.

Source: penniesonaplatter.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Cream cheese pumpkin bread - Pumpkin + cream cheese. Can it get any better?

Source: lickthebowlgood.blogspot.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Hot spinach and artichoke dip - This will be great with some chips and NFL football.

Source: skinnytaste.com via Lauren on Pinterest

BLTA and butternut and acorn squash soup - We love our soup and sandwich nights around here!

Source: williams-sonoma.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: tarteletteblog.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Asparagus, pea, and saffron risotto - I've never made risotto before, but I'd love to try it out.

Source: quincesandthepea.com via Lauren on Pinterest

What are some of your favorite recipes you've found on Pinterest?

IUI #4

2011-09-17T16:23:00.002-04:00

I guess I haven't really written a blog post about IUI #4, so here it is.

I'm currently on CD 19 and the 17th day of injections. My last RE appointment was on Friday morning and there were only 2, 11mm follicles - one on the left and one on the right. My estradiol level was at 27, which was lower than Monday's level of 39. Normally, I'd be anxious to get things moving along, but since this cycle is depending solely on Evan being home on R&R (since we no longer have any frozen), I'm glad that things are fairly quiet. I'll be going back to Dr. P. for another ultrasound and blood draw bright and early on Wednesday morning. Nurse D mentioned that we might have to start bumping up my dosage if things aren't really progressing along by Wednesday. This is definitely fine by me because I really don't want to do 30 days of injections this time around. My stomach is already bruised and I'm running out of places to stick myself.

I'm kind of indifferent about this cycle. I'm trying not to stress out about it too much. I'll probably start getting antsy in the two week wait - as usual.

In other news - this is a fairly low-key weekend. Last night I went out with a group of friends to celebrate my good friend, Belinda's birthday. Today I put out some of my fall decorations, cleaned the guest bedrooms, and enjoyed a hot chocolate from Starbucks. The weather is in the mid-60's - definitely a nice break from the 90 degree weather we've been having. It felt great to pull out my corduroy pants and a light-weight long-sleeved shirt this morning. I'm definitely looking forward to some more fall weather!

I'm enjoying my last weekend of graduate school freedom. I start the fall quarter on Monday and will be taking 3 classes again. My classes seem interesting and I'm hoping that I enjoy them more than last quarter's classes. I can't believe I only have 6 classes to go. I'm already in the process of applying for student teaching and will be starting that on March 19th. I hope to teach either kindergarten or first grade, so keep your fingers crossed for me!

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend so far! I'm looking forward to watching some NFL football tomorrow. Go Eagles!

An analogy to think about

2011-09-16T21:46:00.004-04:00

(photo credit)

I came across this analogy posted on Erika's blog and I thought that it applied to my situation perfectly. I hope it touches you as much as it touched me when I read it tonight.

Imagine yourself dressed up in your finest clothes. You and your sweet husband are attending a dinner together in one of the nicest restaurants in town. You both have planned, waited and saved for this evening. To say the least, you are very excited! You and your husband arrive and the atmosphere is more than you expected. Everyone around you is having a good time. The chandeliers are sparkling, candles are glowing and sweet soft music is playing in the background. To your pleasant surprise you see others there you know. You are seated with them and in your heart you think there just couldn't be anything better!

The table is just exquisite. Breathtaking really. The people at your table begin to talk to you in jolly conversation. You glance at the menu and you don't even know where to begin! You look over everything slowly and carefully, especially the dessert menu! All of your life you have been hearing about this restaurant's marvellous and divine desserts. Deep in your heart, you have been looking forward to enjoying dessert the most!

Everyone at your table orders their food. For dessert they all order chocolate cake. You think, "Hey that sounds perfect. I'll have chocolate cake too please."

The waiter nods in approval and quickly swifts off to put in your order. In the meantime, you are still enjoying the surroundings, the music and the company. You grab your husband's hand and sigh "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

The food comes and everything looks just pleasing. Some of the things you tasted you really love, some of the things you didn't. Either way, you know that dessert is on its way. That thought in and of itself is just exciting! Then you see him, your waiter! Your wonderful, blessed waiter with a silver tray full of plates of chocolate cake! He comes and starts handing out plates to those you know. You look at the cake and to put it simply, it looks just divine. You're even more excited now! The waiter comes to your side and then passes you and your husband. You are shocked and think there must be some mistake. you don't know what to do, but rather than make a fuss you think, "Just wait, I will get my chocolate cake soon too."

Those that have their dessert are going on and on about how amazing the taste is. You smile, you are truly happy for them. Deep down you are anxious and their feelings only feed your curiosity and desire. Then you see the waiter again and think, "Ahhh, here he is." You notice that he starts handing out seconds and thirds to those that have already had their piece of cake. Your husband doesn't notice, he's busy chatting with the fellow next to him! Deep down though you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know something is wrong, something is very, very wrong.

You ask the waiter, "Excuse me please. Where is my chocolate cake that I ordered"? The waiter just replies, "The baker has said that you must wait." He rushes off and not another word is said. Time goes on. You still enjoy the surroundings, the people and the conversations. All the while though, you can't get chocolate cake out of your mind. Time keeps creeping by and soon your husband notices too, "Where is our dessert?" You hold his hand and look into his loving eyes and think, "Even without chocolate cake, life is still good."

Time, however, creeps and it creeps. At moments it seems like it has even stopped. It's getting late and people are noticing you haven't received your dessert yet. Questions start arising and you just don't know how to respond. You look around other tables and notice that people are also getting their third, fourth and fifth servings of dessert. "Why" is all you have to lean upon.

You notice that others have ordered things for dessert besides chocolate cake. There is cherry pie, brownie ice cream sundaes, raspberry cheesecakes and such. They seem just as pleased, if not more pleased with their desserts and you wonder, "Should I order cherry pie too"? You talk to the waiter and he simply says, "I'm sorry ma'am, you just need to be patient and wait."

You are starting to burn inside. Despite all of your best efforts you are beginning to boil. You really want to jump on top of the table and stomp while shouting, "Where is my chocolate cake?" You don't though because you know that will get you no where! Instead you look around and notice that there are some that are refusing their chocolate cake. "It will make me fat" one says. "Ugh. I have enough already" another states. One woman, simply dumps her beautiful chocolate cake onto the floor.

As you look deeper around you, you notice there are a few others that are waiting too. Your heart goes out to them. You smile and wish there was something more you could do. You know their pain and it hurts. It really hurts.

Finally, the waiter comes and he has chocolate cake on that familiar beautiful silver platter...and he has enough for two. One for your husband and one for you! Your so elated with joy that you can't hardly stand it!!! You tell everyone at your table and they are just as happy for you. "We knew it would happen" they say. "You just needed to relax"! Little did they know that deep inside relaxing was the last thing you were feeling! You look at your husband. Tears are in both of your eyes. You carefully take a taste. It's such sweet, sweet perfection. You go to take another and just before you do the waiter comes and gently takes your plates away. "Something is wrong" he says. "Don't worry my dear, the time is soon."

There's confusion. Sadness. Anger. Above all though, you are just deeply and truly heartbroken. Heartbroken to the very core. You don't know what to do. You turn to others for support. They cry with you and too ask why. You take a deep breath and find the strength to go on. You have been given the promise that you will receive dessert. It is just not understood as to when. You decide to put your full trust in the baker. You reach far inside within yourself and find the effort to ask your husband to dance.

He looks at you and smiles..."Yes, I would love to dance with you my dear one." You both get up, leave the table and set off to dance.

As you are dancing, you get your bearings. You again begin to notice your surroundings. The beautiful surroundings that have so magically grabbed your attention in the first place. You remember the music, the sounds, the smell of the sweet flowers. You breath. That's all you can do. You breath and slowly begin to enjoy the moment again. Slowly, it all comes back to you. The things you love. Being with the person you love the most. The pains you have just felt are still there. Still vulnerable, but you feel life again. Yes, life is still good.

After quite a few dances, you both decide it's time to sit at your table. People still have their desserts and their chocolate cakes. Your space is still empty. You decide, however, to really focus on those around you. In doing so you find more joy. The desire for dessert is still there- but it's manageable. Time moves on.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, your waiter appears. He has the biggest smile on his face. He is pleased to announce that you and your husband's dessert is finally here!! Your heart wells up with joy, but you're afraid too. You ask the waiter, "Will you take it away"? "No, this one was made especially for you."

You smile back, hardly believing that this could be true or real. You look at it and it's not a dessert you have ever seen before. It's then that you realize that the baker has made a dessert with all of your favorite colors and flavors. Careful detail was lovingly taken into every consideration. "How did He know that this is exactly what I wanted"? The waiter just smiles and says, "Because he knows and loves you." If you look, you can see him there. You look and at the door, through the little round window you see a gentle man with tears in his eyes. He is grinning from ear to ear and looking at you and your husband. You can't hardly see anymore because of all of the happy tears. You whisper a big "Thank You" and in your heart you feel that this simple phrase will never be enough.

You look at the people around you, they too have tears in their eyes. They too are smiling from ear to ear. Everything is so precious and tender now- even more so than when you first arrived here. It's then that you learn that the pains you have felt all along the way. The waiting, the crying, the agony. It's all been a special recipe to make this moment this much more wonderful and sacred.

In your soul you take a deep breath and slowly let out a big sigh of gratitude.

You grab your husband's hand and sigh again, "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-14T19:36:00.003-04:00

(photo credit)

Just bought tickets to see this show in December!

Baby shower and other weekend happenings

2011-09-12T16:21:00.015-04:00

First off, I never want to see the inside of my car for more than an hour at a time for awhile. From Thursday through Sunday, I spent about 20 hours in the car driving back and forth between here and PA and then to and from various friends' houses while I was back home. Even though the driving was a pain in the rear, I had a fabulous weekend. Driving for 8 hours on Thursday gave me time to mentally prepare for what I was going to face while I was up there.

I had a chance to visit one of my college roommates and meet her daughter, Emily, for the first time. Emily was such a cute, chubby, and happy 8 month old! She was such a joy to be around. I also got to play with Luke, Emily's big brother. My friend and I caught up with what has been happening over the past few months and entertained the kids together for a few hours. After hanging out at their house, I headed back towards my parents' house and stopped to visit one of my high school friends who had just given birth to her first son, Giovanni, about 3 and half weeks ago. What an adorable little baby he was! I was able to hold him for about 15 minutes until he started to get a little fussy. He just wanted his mommy :) We had a good time reminiscing about the high school days (can't believe we graduated over 11 years ago) and talked about what's been going on more recently.

Friday evening, I got to see some other friends from high school. We met up at a local Mexican restaurant and I splurged on some ice cream for dessert since I had already eaten dinner with my parents. One of my friends is due at the beginning of January and this was the first time I saw her in person. Even though I did have those twinges of jealousy and sadness, I was also happy and excited for her. I felt the same way the whole weekend actually - slightly jealous and sad over what I don't have, but happy for the babies that have been born already and will be born soon.

Next up on Saturday was my BFF's baby shower. Her sister, mother, and I set up the house early since BFF decided she wanted to show up before her guests. What a brat! :) The decor was awesome, everyone loved the favors, the food was amazing, and BFF scored a lot of great baby stuff. Once the nursery furniture arrives, she will be set for the arrival of baby Angela. She's due very close to Thanksgiving so unfortunately I won't be able to meet baby Angela until right before Christmas. I'm pretty sure I finish up my fall quarter on December 10th, so I'm going to try and work out a time to go visit them before heading to the parents and the in-laws for Christmas. I'll leave you all with some pictures from the big day. Enjoy!

(guest book table)

(more cute decor)

(baby onesie banner)

(favor table)

(present time!)

(more presents)

(cutting the cake)

(high school friends)

(another group shot before the party started to wind down)

(BFF, her mom, and sister)

Never Forget

2011-09-11T09:47:00.004-04:00

(photo credit)

Over the past 10 years the phrase "You will never forget where you were or what you were doing on September 11" has been spoken by many. I remember exactly where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with. I was a sophomore in college, sitting in electronics class, surrounded by 20 classmates who was as bored as I was. I remember a guy from another class running into our classroom telling us to turn on the television. We kept seeing the news replay footage of the first tower being hit. I remember thinking of E. who was deployed at the time. I remember thinking of my dad who worked and still works in a government building. I remember watching the second tower falling. I remember my college making classes optional for the rest of the day. I remember going to my psychology class because I didn't want to sit in my dorm room alone. I remember crying because classmates were scared that they would have to deploy because they were in the reserves or the National Guard. I remember that even though they were scared, they were willing to fight whenever and wherever for our freedom. I remember going back to my dorm room and sitting with my roommate Amy. We watched the television all afternoon and all night. The horrifying images kept playing over and over again. I couldn't believe how united Americans felt after the tragedies had occurred. I can't even begin to image how the families and friends of those that lost their lives still feel today. Never forget the sacrifices that everyone involved made on that day. Never forget the lives that were lost. Never forget the sacrifices that our military has been making ever since then to keep our country safe. I hope we never have to see or live through something like that again.

My best friend and I

2011-09-10T22:43:00.004-04:00

What a busy end of the week/weekend it has been. I just wanted to post one of my favorite pictures from the baby shower today. I'll have to write a post on Monday when I'm back home and settled back in.

(Best friends since 1996! I don't know what

I would do without this girl. Looking forward

to becoming Aunt Lauren in 10 weeks!)

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-07T06:00:00.000-04:00

(My sweet boy down the shore)

Blogger's block

2011-09-05T19:21:00.006-04:00

I've been meaning to write a blog post, but have had a serious case of writer's block. I feel like I've been focusing on infertility stuff so much lately, so I'm going to try and write about some other things in this post.

1. It's almost time for E to come home for R&R! He's been working so hard this deployment and I can't wait for him to have a break (and to see him of course)! We plan on splurging on a nice hotel in D.C. for a few nights, taking in the sights, eating at some fabulous restaurants, and relaxing. We're going to invite his family down to visit us for a day so they have some time to see him and catch up a bit.

2. My final grades for the summer quarter finally came in yesterday....

Evaluation of Instruction - A

Theory of Play in Learning - A

Multimedia - A

The 4.0 lives to see another quarter. I'm getting closer and closer to my goal of graduating with a graduate GPA of 4.0. I'm finishing up my application for student teaching and submitting it tomorrow. I'll be taking 3 classes during the fall quarter, which starts on the 19th. After that, I only have 3 more classes to take during the winter quarter. I'll start student teaching in mid-March and finish on June 3rd. I can't wait to start teaching in my own classroom! I requested to student teach in kindergarten or first grade for student teaching and I hope I get one of those grades.

3. My BFF's baby shower is getting close - next Saturday to be exact. I tackled making the baby shower favors with a good friend this weekend and I think they turned out well. I didn't realize though how expensive it would be to make 17 favors, so I hope that BFF's guests really like them. BFF's sister, mother, and I will be baking and cooking on Thursday night and setting up early on Saturday for the shower. In addition to making the favors, I also made a hospital survival kit - an idea I found on Pinterest. Here are some pictures of the favors and the kit.

(The finished product)

(A view of the layers - flour mixture,

oatmeal, m&m's, chocolate chips,

brown sugar, and white sugar)

(Materials for the Hospital Survival Kit bag)

(Some of her favorite snacks since we all know hospital

food sucks, some mints to suck on, a magazine

to pass some time, and some hair ties to

keep her hair back during all that pushing)

(The decorated bag)

And so it begins again

2011-09-01T17:49:00.003-04:00

Well the ultrasound this morning revealed that the 3 cysts from last cycle did indeed rupture. That intense pain I felt the entire week last week - yah that was the cysts bursting. I don't think I've been in more pain and I certainly don't want to go through that again! The ultrasound tech saw some residual bleeding, but everything else looked clear and ready for another medicated cycle.

I spoke with Dr. P. and Nurse D. after the ultrasound and explained the situation about E's R&R. I can't say exactly when he'll be coming home due to OPSEC; however, I can say we need to drag this cycle out for a few weeks. Theoretically this shouldn't be a problem since I always trigger later than most women do.

Before explaining the situation to Dr. P., he was reviewing my chart from the last IUI and was thinking about adding M.enopur into the mix. I asked him why he wanted to do that and he said it would hopefully produce the follies faster. We definitely don't want to do that this time around! I guess I should probably count on using this drug if and when we go through IVF though.

We also talked about my 10 day LP. He said he was surprised that CD 1 was so heavy since I never stopped taking the progesterone up until that point. We decided that I'll be doing 2 E.ndometrin suppositories a day after this IUI. Hopefully that lengthens my LP.

I go back in for my first monitoring ultrasound and blood draw next Wednesday morning. They wanted to bring me in on Friday, but I'm driving home for my best friend's baby shower. This weekend I get to work on her baby shower favors. I literally drove all around town today trying to hunt down pink M and M's. Who knew they would be so hard to find? I'll be assembling the favors all weekend since I need to make 18. I'll post some pictures once they're complete.

Source: hatterandhareevents.blogspot.com via JM on Pinterest

This is definitely our last shot at getting pregnant through IUI. There is no frozen sperm left and we're not shelling out another $520 to freeze again. My body needs a break from all of the hormones anyway.

Oh and the only positive to this past cycle not working - somehow I managed to lose 4 pounds. I guess I can attribute that to having absolutely no appetite last week. Back to my goal weight. Woo!

You think it would get easier....

2011-08-30T19:33:00.002-04:00

...every time another cycle = failure.

After seeing a big temperature drop on Sunday and foolishly thinking that it could have been an implantation dip, AF showed her big, ugly face yet again this morning.

3 IUIs = 3 failures

To top it all off, my luteal phase was only 10 days AND I was on progesterone starting the day of the IUI.

I talked to Nurse D about an hour ago about if there should be/could be another cycle. E will be home for R&R during this cycle; however, I'm worried about the timing. I've triggered as early as CD 23, but as late as CD 30. Nurse D assured me that we can stretch the cycle out a bit if needed. I do need to go in for a baseline ultrasound on Wednesday morning to figure out if the cysts are gone from last cycle. We won't be able to make a decision on what to do until then.

So we have 2 options pending u/s results:

1. No cysts = we go ahead and start injections and either do another IUI or just TI.

2. The cysts are still there = no injections and wait for IVF in the spring.

Again, I'm feeling a crapload of different emotions. I cried for hours today. My BF's baby shower is in 10 days and I honestly don't know how I'm going to deal with these emotions. If she wasn't so supportive of my situation, I would be tempted to blow off the shower and stay at home to mope some more. To top it off, I'll also be seeing another friend who is about 21 weeks pregnant. I guess I get a 2 for 1 deal. I'll do my best to hold it together and then deal with the emotions when I'm alone.

AF, you are the biggest bitch in the world. I hate you.

Milspouse Friday Fill-In & Milspouse Weekly Roundup

2011-08-26T09:44:00.003-04:00

This week has been dragging by so I'm glad that it's finally Friday. I'm feeling a bit better than I was in my last blog post - Tuesday and Wednesday were rough! I'm wrapping up my final week of my summer quarter graduate classes. I'm looking forward to having 3 weeks off before the fall quarter begins. I have some big plans for my time off including a trip home for my best friend's baby shower.

Right now, it's time for the Milspouse Friday Fill - In. Head over to Wifey's blog to link up your blog and join in on the fun.

1. The first thing I think of when I get up in the morning is what do I need to get done today?

2. Lately, I've been craving going to the gym because I'm not allowed to go right now. I haven't been to a class in a week now and it's driving me crazy! The end of this cycle needs to end with a BFP!

3. Whenever anyone says the word basketball , it reminds me of my childhood because I played from 6th grade through high school. Basketball consumed my life during the winter and early spring. I miss playing.

4. The happiest word I know is hope, but sometimes it's hard to stay hopeful when situations/times are difficult.

5. My spouse may hate it, but I absolutely love watching Food Network and HGTV all the time.

In addition to the Milspouse Friday Fill-In, I also decided to link up with the Milspouse Weekly Roundup. This week's host is Laura at Between the Lines . Welcome to all readers checking out my blog from the linkup!

Not So Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-24T12:08:00.003-04:00

Source: bles-id.blogspot.com via Lori on Pinterest

I've been having an interesting and painful last few days. On Monday, I felt like I wanted to rip my ovaries out of my body. Yesterday, I experienced the most intense cramps, stomach pain, and lower back pain that I think I've ever felt before. I think I got a total of 3 hours sleep last night because laying down was just so uncomfortable. Thankfully, a lot of the pain has finally subsided, but I'm continuing to take it easy today. I ran out to grab some Gatorade and am sitting in bed typing out this blog post right now. I may try to take a short walk around the neighborhood with the dogs later just to get moving a little bit.

My friend Katie posted this amazing quote on her Facebook today. It definitely applies to my situation, as well as some of yours I'm sure.

"When the world say, "Give up." Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." ~ Author Unknown

I hope to have some more positive news in the next week or so. Hope everyone is having a good week.

3 DPO

2011-08-22T12:39:00.004-04:00

I was really worried that this cycle was going to be a bust already because we ended up doing the IUI about 15 hours after I gave myself the trigger shot on Thursday night. Most doctors won't do the IUI until at least 24 hours after; however, we had no other options because my clinic is closed on the weekends. I also had some drama with a slightly expired trigger shot (a.k.a. sent myself into a MAJOR panic attack to where I could barely function for about an hour). I was able to get in contact with a pharmacist who told me that it would be safe to use the trigger and that it should work just fine. Now you know me, I tend to be pessimistic about things (do you blame me after 3 and a half years of setbacks and failures?), but lo and behold, Fertility Friend set my ovulation date on Friday, which was the day of IUI #3!!

This is the second cycle where we've had "perfect" timing. If this one doesn't work, I don't really know if there's any point to do another round if E. makes it home on time for his R&R.

August ICLW

2011-08-21T14:32:00.003-04:00

Hello fellow ICLWers,

Welcome to my blog! This is my 4th time doing ICLW. I discovered some great blogs and gained a few new followers last month and I'm looking forward to doing the same this time around.

We've been TTC for over 4 years now. I was diagnosed with PCOS (lean) last June while we were stationed in Arizona. I have extremely irregular cycles when not on fertility medications(i.e. 146 cycle from hell last summer). I've done countless rounds of C.lomid and injectible medications. I've had 2 miscarriages - one in March 2009 (11 weeks) and the other in November 2010 (5 and a half weeks). I just had my 3rd IUI done on Friday and am currently in the dreaded two week wait. I stimmed for a full month this cycle and let me tell you, I'm tired of needles!

If this IUI doesn't work then we have to put fertility treatments on hold until E. returns from his deployment. I'm on the wait list with my RE for an April 2012 IVF cycle but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. If you want more information about our TTC history, check out the link at the top of my page.

I'm looking forward to reading new blogs and having new people read mine! Please leave a comment to let me know you stopped by so I can head over to your blog.

Milspouse Friday Fill-In

2011-08-19T15:42:00.003-04:00

Well it's Friday, which means that it's time for the Milspouse Friday Fill-In. Head over to Wifey's blog to link up and join in the fun!

1. My spouse and I rarely agree on whether or not he should be able to buy a motorcycle, but always agree on how much money we should be saving every paycheck.

2. If I could use one word to sum up the way I feel right now, it would be tired.

3. One of the things that my spouse does that grosses me out is eating sushi. I can't understand the obsession with wanting to eat raw fish. I don't even like eating cooked fish/seafood.

4. My readers may think I'm crazy for doing this, but I really love making daily to-do lists. I wouldn't get to half of the things I would like to accomplish everyday without one.

5. Frankly, my dear, I don't want to give myself another shot ever again! Third time's the charm, right?

Maybe the last IUI update

2011-08-18T15:50:00.001-04:00

Nurse D just called me with my blood draw results....

Estradiol is at 186 - up from 168 on Monday. I'll be triggering this evening and then going in for the IUI at 11:30 tomorrow morning. Please, please, please let this work.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-17T16:52:00.001-04:00

Source: skinnytaste.com via Lauren on Pinterest

(What I made for dinner last weekend. Amazing.

Also, I have a Pinterest addition.)

Another IUI update

2011-08-15T17:06:00.003-04:00

Well it's CD 30 and day 27 of injections. Last Friday, my estradiol levels surprisingly went from 51 up to 99. Dr. P. made the decision to keep moving forward with the G.onal injections and asked me to come back in Monday (today) morning for another ultrasound and blood draw. Dr. P. was the one who did my ultrasound this morning, so we actually had a chance to talk about this cycle. He told me that many other PCOS patients doing IUI aren't triggering until after doing injects for 4 weeks - apparently I'm not alone. He agreed though that if my levels weren't rising, then he would cancel the cycle and put me back on the birth control since P.rovera is a waste of time for me. We would then start all over again sometime in September.

So we saw the giant, worthless follies taking up half the screen again, but also saw two 12mms and one 13mm. I wasn't even going to get my hopes up when I saw the little ones because I had a few small ones about a week and a half ago and they didn't do anything. Nurse D usually calls me around 2:30 or 3:00 with my numbers, but she really made me sweat it out this afternoon. She called at 4:00 with some good news. Estradiol levels went up to 168! Finally, finally, finally some good news for this cycle. The plan is to continue with the G.onal until Thursday and go back in for yet another ultrasound and blood draw. If the levels are good and my body doesn't keep producing more new follies, then I'm going to guess that I'll trigger over the weekend and have my IUI on Monday. Please let this work!

Milspouse Friday Fill-In

2011-08-12T15:53:00.003-04:00

TGIF! This week has been one emotional rollercoaster ride so I'm glad that's it's finally the weekend. Since it's Friday, that can only mean that it's time for another edition of the Milspouse Friday Fill-In. Head over to Wifey's blog to link up!

1. The best thing my parents taught me to do when I was a child was __________.

.... be respectful and mind your manners. So many young children today don't even utter the phrases "please" and "thank you". A little courtesy goes a long way.

2. However, one thing I wish they did differently was ________________.

.... not openly favor one sibling over another. Parents are supposed to love their children equally no matter what, right? I think some of my self-esteem and confidence issues stem from being the "less favored" child.

3. One thing I've always wanted to try but haven't is _________________.

.... skydiving. It's something that definitely on my bucket list, but so far I've been too scared to do it. Maybe one day E. will get me up in a plane with him.

4. One thing I never thought I'd try but I have is ____________________.

..... ziplining in a foreign country. When E. and I went on our cruise the other year, we decided to try out ziplining at one of the ports. I was intimidated in the beginning, but ended up loving the whole experience. Nothing compares to sailing high up in the air through a rainforest!

5. If I could give my 16-year-old self one piece of advice, I'd tell myself _________.

.... don't switch your college major from elementary education to broadcasting. If I wouldn't have changed my mind, I would already have been teaching in the classroom for 7 years instead of working on my certification for the past 2 and a half years. However, if I went in as an education major, I would have never met E. Things do happen for a reason sometimes.

I've been slacking...

2011-08-10T16:19:00.003-04:00

(photo credit)

....on my blogging lately - totally overwhelmed with school work and emotions right now. I'm down to the wire with my graduate school classes for this quarter. I have a little less than 3 weeks remaining and there is still a lot of work to do! I also started my last undergraduate course required for content area knowledge, so I'm back to dealing with 4 classes at one time. I'm looking forward to my 3 week break coming up at the end of the month.

Onto IUI #3 news - I went in for another ultrasound and blood draw on Monday morning. Up on the screen the 3 (worthless) giant follies appeared, but so did a 19mm and a 13mm. Nurse D told me that both of those looked promising; however, it would be up to the blood draw results to determine whether or not I could trigger. She called me in the early afternoon and told me that my levels only went up from a 37 on Wednesday to a 51. She sounded just as defeated as I felt when I heard the news. Dr. P. wanted me to continue with the injections and come back on Friday. This is getting out of hand. By Friday, I'll have been on the injections for almost 4 full weeks. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I want to snap at someone and the next, I just want to cry. It doesn't help that I'm full party planning mode for my best friend's baby shower, which is in exactly a month. I bought her a nice present off of her registry (cute safari themed crib bedding), but looking at her registry nearly brought me to tears. I want to be in her shoes so much right now. I can't wait to see her next month and to meet my little niece, but it's going to be hard for me. It's always hard to see someone else get/have what I've been wanting for so long.

Ok enough of the emotional news - onto something more positive.....

E. finally got his R & R dates! Obviously I can't publish dates due to OPSEC, but I can say that it won't be too much longer :) Since I'll be going home for the baby shower, we decided to not make the trip all the way up to PA again. We're planning on spending a long weekend in Washington, D.C. and giving the families the option of coming down to see us. My parents and my in-laws are in PA and MD, so I don't think we're asking them to travel too far. Does anyone have any suggestions for must-see/must-do things in the D.C. area? I can't wait to see E! I feel like this deployment is never-ending. I know the pups miss him too and can't wait to attack him with licks and loves.

I'll try to post another update after my appointment on Friday. Hope everyone is having a good week!

Not a Wordless Wednesday - IUI #3 update

2011-08-03T20:15:00.004-04:00

WTF? That's all I'd like to say about the past few days, but I'll elaborate a bit more just in case anyone is interested in what's going on. When I went in for my ultrasound on Monday morning, we saw that there was one follie measuring 25mm and two that were measuring 19 mm. However, Nurse D informed me that my estradiol level was only at 25 - remember on Friday it was at 52. The numbers should be going up, not down. The plan was to continue with the same dosage of G.onal and come back in today for a follow-up ultrasound and blood draw.

I went back in this morning and found that the 25 mm grew into a 30 mm and the 19 mm's grew into 22 mm's. Estradiol = 37. I'm assuming that all of these follies are worthless at this point since my estradiol should be through the roof. I had one or two small follies on the ultrasound, so Dr. P. wants to me to continue the meds until next Monday to see if the little ones mature. Monday marks 21 days of injections. If the levels don't match up by then, I might just have to call it quits and give my body a rest from the medication. These IUI cycles are draining for me. I don't understand why the numbers just can't match up for once. Anyone have a similar experience after being on injectibles? If so, do you any advice for me?

Rediscovery

2011-07-31T20:30:00.002-04:00

While I was cleaning out my closet the other week I came across my collection of CDs from high school and college. Over the past week and half, I've been listening to some bands that I fell in love with during my college years. I forgot how much I loved these CDs. Here's what I've been rocking out to lately....

1. Brand New - Your Favorite Weapon

2. Fall Out Boy - From Under the Cork Tree

3. Alkaline Trio - Good Mourning

4. Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends

5. Good Charlotte - self titled

All of these albums bring back some great college memories... having the opportunity to be a DJ on my college radio station and playing this music for others, going to see all of these bands in concert (some more than others - I may have seen Good Charlotte about 15 times), meeting and hanging out with some of these guys (Good Charlotte and Taking Back Sunday), and discovering new music.

What were some of your favorite bands when you were in college (or if you're still in college, what were some of your favs in high school)? Do you still bust out your CDs occasionally?

IUI #3 update

2011-07-29T15:12:00.002-04:00

The clinic is finally open again so yesterday I went in for my first ultrasound of this cycle to check my follies out. The ultrasound tech was late coming in, so Dr. P. was the one to do the ultrasound. I was on CD 12 and only on the 10th day of stimming so I was shocked when Dr. P. asked if I had a trigger shot at home. I was like "No I don't, but why would I need it so early?" He told me that I had a few, decent sized follies already, but we would have to wait to see what my blood work showed before deciding whether or not I would trigger on Saturday and have the IUI done on Monday morning.

Big shocker (sarcasm) when Nurse D called me in the afternoon with my blood work results. My estradiol levels were only at 52. This situation is looking strangely familiar. IUI #2.0 was cancelled after a high number of follies were seen but my E2 levels didn't match up. The plan for now is to continue the G.onal - F injections through the weekend and to go back in bright and early on Monday morning for another ultrasound. I'm hoping that my body doesn't go crazy over the weekend like it did back in March . Hopefully the levels will balance out and we can go forward with this last IUI at the end of the week/beginning of the next. The right side of my stomach is going to get tired of being stuck because I apparently gave myself a hematoma on the left side with the trigger shot last time around. I was told to stop giving myself the G.onal injections in the right side until the bruise is completely healed.

Milspouse Friday Fill-In #27

2011-07-29T14:32:00.003-04:00

This week seemed to last forever so I'm glad that it's finally Friday! Since it's Friday, you know what it's time for - the Milspouse Friday Fill-In. Head over to Wifey's blog to link up!

1. Facebook or Twitter?

I'm new to the Twitter world - started up about 2 to 3 weeks ago, so I'm still getting used to it. Currently, I still use Facebook more. I do enjoy the anonymity of Twitter though. I do a lot more bitching and complaining on there.

2. Hard Tacos or Soft Tacos?

In my pre-gluten-free days, I would have said soft tacos but now I pretty much limit myself to the hard taco shells since they're made out of corn. They obviously make soft corn tortillas but I don't like the taste of them as much as I did the flour ones.

3. Gardening or Crafting?

Neither....I suck at both.

4. Fruit or vegetables?

I don't mind vegetables for the most part; however, I find that I eat fruit more often. There hasn't been a fruit that I met that I haven't liked. I actually had a refreshing and tasty fruit salad for lunch today - red grapes, a fresh peach, and some pineapple.

5. Motorcycle or bicycle?

I've had a few friends and an uncle get seriously hurt in motorcycle accidents. E. wants to get one but I'm strongly against this happening in fear that he'll also get hurt. Bicycles are definitely more my speed. I love my road bike and wish that it would start to cool off during the day so I can ride it again!